PARENTING
From Page 45
knows that when you say “Dad” you
mean “the father of your child with
whom you are now divorced.” The
7
“Bye Dad! Love ya, Dad!
See you on Friday!” Just as
your child should greet her
divorce happened, you don’t need to
dad at the beginning of the visit, so
should she also say good-bye to him.
bring it into the present every time
Depending on the age of your child,
the opportunity arises. In your world,
you may be the one saying it for her.
your husband is now your ex, but to
So, as your ex is walking back to the
your child, Dad is still Dad. It’s your
car, be sure to say, “Bye Dad! Love
child’s perspective that matters.
ya, Dad! See you on Friday!” and
help your child wave good-bye and
6
Say “get to go to Dads”.
blow kisses. Yes, you can do this and
Visitation happens. Your child
you can do it with a smile on your
needs security in knowing
face. It’s amazing what you can do
what she will be doing and when.
when nurturing your child’s spirit.
Tell your child about her upcoming
visitation with her other parent.
So, what are your Take-Aways?
Remind her of the visitation the
Pick two and incorporate them
day before, the night before, that
into your child’s daily life starting
morning, during that day, and as
today. Perhaps one day, you’ll find
yourself smiling (#1) and saying,
the hour approaches. Never let a
“Oh! Seeing that blue convertible
visitation be a surprise. Instead,
(#4) reminds me that I talked (#2)
teach your child to expect her
to dad (#5) today about how much
visit so that she will learn to plan
we love you (#3). Tomorrow is
and prepare for it. The process of
Friday so you get to (#6) see him!”
preparing isn’t just to collect a bunch
It’s amazing what Words of Wisdom
of things, it is to prepare her caring
you’ll speak to keep love in your
heart. Talk about how nice her visit child’s life.
will be. Let her know that you are
happy that she gets to spend time
Ellen Kellner has experienced how
with Dad. Knowing that you are
powerful the Pro-Child approach
upbeat about the visit will have
to divorce can be. Twice. Because
a positive effect on your child’s
of this mindful approach, her two
attitude. Lie if you have to. Your
daughters are blessed to have a
child’s heart is more precious then
mom and a dad plus a whole pack
your ego. When talking with your
of extended relatives and friends
child, sprinkle in the phrase “get
who love them and add smiles to
to,” as in “You are so lucky that you their lives. Ellen continues to bring
get to spend time with Dad.” And the message of her book, The Pro-
“Tomorrow you get to go to Dads!” It
Child Way: Parenting with an Ex, to
makes the visitation sound much
parents who are looking for a mindful
more special.
approach to divorced parenting.
www.TheProChildWay.com
46
Fall 2009
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