LOVE
Of course, people do abuse,
from page 33
1) Whenever you feel upset,
abandon, betray, and neglect others.
realize that it is because
This is undeniable. However, if
predictably. Our goal to bring forth a
your goal is emotional freedom,
you have an unmet need.
new response that opens up greater
it’s counterproductive to reinforce
possibilities for love and intimacy in
a victim stance by replaying, over
our relationships.
2) Identify what happened
and over, mental dialogues such as I
feel abused, I feel abandoned, I feel
that was different from
Words Are Powerful
neglected, and other self-defeating
what you expected.
The language we use to communicate
messages.
our feelings creates the reality of
our experience. Time and again,
I am not suggesting that you deny
3) Identify what you need
I see how people’s fears of what
uncomfortable feelings that arise
that you did not get.
might happen almost ensure the
when your boundaries are crossed
dreaded outcome. For example, a
or your needs are not met. What I’m
manufacturer’s representative is so
saying is that the language you use
4) Ask for the behavior, being
anxious about a customer finding
to communicate your feelings will
as specific as possible.
other sources for their products that
have a substantial impact on your
she drives away the very business
ability to change them.
she is trying to maintain. A jealous
Although using this process does not
husband is so controlling that his
Honing Your Emotional Skill Set
guarantee that you will always get
partner leaves out of a feeling
When people who grew up in
your needs met, it will increase the
of suffocation. A woman who
different cultures or environments
probability that you will spend more
withholds her affection out of fear
come together to get their needs
time feeling comfortable and less
of being vulnerable ends up losing
met, they approach the relationship
time in emotional distress.
her partner to a more demonstrative
with different (internalized) rules
woman.
of engagement. Then, as they play
Love Is a Practice
the game of love, infractions are
Love is an ability that improves with
Certain words used to describe
inevitable, for what was fair on
practice. The more consciously you
feelings are inherently victimizing
one playing field is foul on another.
can identify and communicate your
and are best avoided in thought
The key principle of conscious
expectations, the more likely you are
and speech. Here are a sampling of
communication is making it as easy
to create a healthy, evolving bond.
words I encourage you to eliminate
as possible for the other person to
Listen therefore to the wisdom of
from your vocabulary, which includes
meet your need by asking for the
your heart and allow it to guide you
your self-talk, for they declare to
specific behavior that will fulfill it.
into higher expressions of love.
yourself and the world that you have
I encourage you to master it by
surrendered responsibility for your
practicing the following simple
feelings:
method:
David Simon, M.D. is the medical
director and co-founder of the
Abused
Abandoned
Betrayed
Chopra Center for Wellbeing in
Carlsbad, California. This article is an
Controlled
Cheated
Deceived extract from his newest bestselling
book, Free to Love, Free to Heal:
Duped
Exploited
Humiliated
Heal Your Body by Healing Your
Intimidated
Manipulated
Neglected
Emotions. Visit
www.chopra.com/
love or call 888.736.6895 to learn
Rejected
Suckered
Taken advantage of
more the book and David’s emotional
healing workshops.
36
Fall 2009
aspiremag.net
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