What determines
Awaken
whether I interpret
an experience as
comfortable
or uncomfortable?
Love
to
When I ask this question at seminars,
the inevitable first answer is “prior
experiences.” It is, of course, true
that past experiences influence
our responses. If you were taken
care of by a nurturing, Hungarian
nanny when you were a child, you
learned to associate her accent with
by David Simon, M.D.
kindness. As an adult, when you
meet people from Hungary, you are
Most of us did not receive
In a similar way, as your emotional
predisposed to anticipate kindness
formal instructions
boundaries are approached, you
from them. On the other hand, if you
receive signals of comfort (someone
had childhood piano lessons with a
on how to love.
compliments you) or discomfort
Growing up, we learned by
(someone criticizes you). Whether
observing our parents, siblings, and
or not you are consciously aware of
caregivers, who may or may not
it, every decision you make is based
have been competent at managing
upon the expectation that your
and expressing their emotions. If
choice will generate more comfort,
your parents, like so many, were
or at least less discomfort. This
emotional amateurs, you likely have
is true whether you are choosing
experienced challenges in meeting
a partner, a job, or a brand of
your love needs as an adult. The
toothpaste.
first step in creating more loving
relationships is understanding the
Why Do I Feel This Way?
essential nature of emotions.
Although every one of us is driven by
this pleasure/pain principle, that which
Bringing Awareness to Emotions
generates comfort or discomfort is
Emotions are physical sensations
different for each person. If you like
associated with thoughts in your
strawberry shortcake, eating it for
mind. They are the essential mind-
dessert will bring you pleasure. On
body experience. At the most
the other hand, if you are allergic to
fundamental level, we have the
strawberries, the same experience will
capacity for only two basic feelings
generate feelings of distress. Some
– those of comfort and those of people thrive on the exhilaration of
discomfort. When something or a roller coaster while others wouldn’t
someone makes contact with your take a ride even if they were paid.
skin, which is the boundary of your
physical self, nerve fibers send you a To begin bringing our unconscious
message of either comfort (a loving emotional patterns into conscious
caress) or discomfort (stepping on awareness, we need to ask ourselves a
a tack). critical question:

32
Fall 2009
aspiremag.net
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