horoscopes by vera divine
LIbrA September 24 – October 23 that same kid for the duration of this month! Strap in
Few things in life perk up the nips with excitement like those because the rocket to success is so fast, you’ll fall off
subtle little changes you notice around this time of year. into oblivion if your heart’s not in it. Make no mistake.
For the wicked month of October, I’m honoring stars who Norma Jean was written off as just another fake
have passed on to that malt shop in the sky and letting their blonde nobody before she grabbed the reins and
wisdom guide you on your sinful little path. You Librans made the world love Marilyn Monroe!
can take comfort in the fact that the change in seasons will
attune everyone to appreciate your artfully neurotic ways. CANCER June 22 – July 23
Not that you’d care either way, you proud weirdo! But make As a deeply complex and borderline-troubled stew
sure to indulge an eager listener of your sexy sermons. John of emotional slaver, you’re allowed more moody
Lennon was nothing if not a great willing instructor. bitch-fits than the average Joan. But don’t think that
people don’t notice your patterns. A princess com-
plex and a matching face won’t pardon your latest
set of offenses. Well, maybe kissing Laurence Olivier
SCORPIO October 24 – November 22 strife of James Dean. Given enough time, he might
in a pool might be a health outlet of testosterone, but
We all have roles we have to play in order to make have broken through the closet door and clarified the
punching out paparazzi? Tisk, tisk, Marlon Brando!
it in this crazy world, Scorpio. You’re certainly no bisexual suspicions he stirred by once saying, “Well,
exception. Tuck away the attitude and bust your butt, I’m certainly not going through life with one hand
LEO July 24 – August 23
as they say. You know I still love you and your starlet tied behind my back.”
Oh you Leos have it so easy! You make a joke and
complex. I just need to give you some of the tough
it’s echoed and emulated throughout history. You
stuff once in a while. I’m sure Rock Hudson needed PISCES February 20 – March 20
get caught being bad and you’re cheered on. It
some in order to get through his toughest scenes. Many believe it to be an ideal situation to leave
seems that anything you do is eaten right up by the
Hetero-love-scenes aren’t easy for any actor, I’m sure! a party too early. Others consider it a mortal sin. In
masses. So your true mission in life is to find a way
reality, it all comes down to how you’d like to be re- to use your natural magnetism to help your fellow
SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 membered for participating in the night. Compared
man while staying true to your personal principles.
Just focus and breathe, my saggy Sagittarius. Your to being thought of as the last man standing who
If you need an example, you won’t find a better one
next few steps may be tricky, but you’ve got the “just wouldn’t go home,” is it really such a tragedy to
than Lucille Ball. Of course, you might want to
finesse to pull it off. Your talent is formidable and your disappear at the top of your game? Only you and Kurt
keep a tighter leash on that man of yours!
poker face is legendary, but don’t forget that under Cobain can truly know the answer.
all that numbing sobriety is a firecracker of a human
VIRGO August 24 – September 23
being who should be allowed to celebrate once the ARIES March 21 – April 20
No time like the present…That expression is
work is done! Don’t let Bruce Lee’s dragon stare fool Okay, Mrs. Crawford, put down the ax! …AND the
thrown around so freely until it portends to stepping
you, he knew how to get down in Chinatown for sure. wire hangers, please! You’ve been noticeably high
out of one’s comfort zone. Then it’s just reckless, right?
strung lately, and believe me it’s all for nothing. You’re Well you’re not going to succeed much if you’re not
CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 still young, you’ve got time to plan your future and
willing to stretch yourself beyond what you think are
Few exercise quite as much freedom of expression there’s absolutely no need for all the vein popping!
your limits. Known for his baritone speaking voice,
as you, Capricorn. Just in case you didn’t already know, Take some time away from venomous environments
Freddie Mercury’s trademark tenor belts didn’t just
it’s inspiring so keep it up! Ignore those small-minded and reevaluate your goals. It took quite a bit of effort
fall out of his mouth in effortless ribbons. He worked
chuckles and really listen to the compliments you’re to outshine Bette Davis, but Joan Crawford barely
at it! Add to that a bold, decade-defining moustache
given. They carry a lot more meaning than just praise bested her longtime rival.
and an aversion to wearing shirts onstage and you’ve
for personal style or character. They’re veiled “thank
got yourself someone who’s working hard for the
yous” for putting concepts out there that others don’t TAURUS April 21 – May 21
money!
think they themselves can afford to endorse. Crazy as If you’ve got it, don’t just flaunt it! Take it for a spin
they were, we love Elvis Presley’s later outfits for a on the dance floor and make a living out of it! What
reason! you’ve got this month can be pure gold for your
perception of self-worth. You don’t normally feel this
AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 much in control, so use it toward your benefit! Admit
Why so sullen, sexy water-bearer? It had better not it, James Brown. “It feels good…and you knew that it
be part of some image you’re trying to pull off! Leave would!” Yeah, I know. It’s because you’ve got me.
the timeless art of the tragic beauty to the pros! Stars
and public figures of the past at least had a good GEMINI May 22 – June 21
reason to be so deliciously dour. They were forced to Don’t you just hate it when the new-kid gets all
live in the closet! So the next time you don a leather the praise over everyone else who has put in more
jacket and experiment with hair gel, think about the time? Well don’t get your wig in a tangle, but you’re
80 RAGE monthly | OctOber 2009
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