living positive by paul montero
Spewing opinions left and right tends to have a polarizing effect on social situ- soon would his sickness start to show on the outside? Would he be dead in a year
ations. Depending on how well your tirades are received, people either roll their like in all the AIDS movies? I must admit, I felt pretty overwhelmed myself. How
eyes, tune you out or avoid initiating conversation with you altogether…or they could such a smart, logical individual have so many outrageously irrational fears
come out of nowhere, desperate for advice on the topic of which you’ve declared exploding within him? Then it hit me. To him, these extreme predictions were
yourself the unquestioned master. Lately, I’ve been taken aback by the number of terrifyingly real because he still had no idea what protections, organizations and
young men who have sought me out for answers on HIV. support are set up for him as a poz guy.
After finding out that I’ve been poz for almost two years, one of the most com- “First things first,” I told him as I discretely scrambled to find a paper bag. “You
mon remarks people toss my way is, “…but you’re not all skinny!” After deducting seriously need to calm down or you’ll stress yourself into a cycle of panic attacks.
Take a
CHANCe
on Me
that it wasn’t meant as a cheap shot at my waistline, I clarify that the early 1990s Just breathe and listen to me when I say that you’re going to be okay.” As unsym-
image of the “skeletal AIDS victim” is a fossil from a time when patients were pathetic as that sounds coming from someone who’s been desensitized to HIV
blindly given fistfuls of toxic supplements like AZT (azidothymidine) and the scares, the last thing someone with a newly compromised immune system wants
drug’s fat-allocation side-effects were blamed on HIV itself. Much like the oddly is a body wearing itself out from reactions triggered by anxiety. Health issues
common misconception that cancer is what causes people’s hair to fall out, it invariably follow amplified stress.
looks like people are still horrifyingly convinced that HIV equals death by liposuc- In his frenzied need for solutions, Willy also expressed his intention to begin
tion in 12 months or less. medications right away. I wasted no time in reassuring him that these treatments
Peculiar as it seems to those who have community health advisors within arm’s are not a universal fix-all solution. In fact, some poz men these days refuse medi-
reach, we have to remember: even among college-level age groups, the intrica- cation in favor of an adjusted diet, convenient exercise routine and a drastic re-
cies of life with HIV are not common knowledge in every part of the county— duction in daily stress. The final word on meds should be one’s own—an informed
despite what representatives from our school system would argue. One such decision no doubt, but one made free of outside pressures. HIV medication is,
example is a friend of mine whom we’ll call Willy. after all, quite a money maker for drug companies.
Faced with challenges on all sides for most of his life, Willy grew up knowing It also occurred to me that the way Willy learned of his status might not have
that he’d have to rely on himself to learn the basics in life. When it came to safe been the best possible scenario. Sometimes it’s not so much the news itself
sex, he knew the correct procedures and limitations of condom use. But in the that affects us as much as the way it’s presented. There’s probably a correlation
comforting shade of denial that most young men share out of fear, he assumed between this fact and the way many clinics make many people feel uneasy. For
that HIV would never be a factor he needed to worry about beyond the ritual those who have worries similar to those of Willy’s, San Diego Young Positives of-
squeeze of the reservoir tip. Nevertheless, Willy recently revealed his change of fers excellent support and a reassuring bed of knowledge to put a young mind
status to me. at ease. Visit
sdyp.org or send a message to
info@youngpositives.com for more
As he wiped away the shame from his tears, he expressed the overwhelming information.
uncertainty he now had to face in nearly every aspect of his life. Would he ever I told you my opinions were worth hearing!
find someone who would love him now? Would his other friends snub him?
Would his boss find out and fire him? Who could he talk to about all his fears? How feedback?
livingpositive@ragemonthly.com or
blogatragemonthly.com
30 RAGE monthly | OctOber 2009
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