it’s a girl thing by henrietta henry
THe WeDDINg Bell BlUeS: Continuing the Fight to Say “i do.”
Not very long ago I saw a fabulous drag performance put on by two of the fierc- only to end up feeling foolish or heartbroken when things have gone sour. Need-
est queens ever. At one point, one of them made a joke about straight people get- less to say I have reservations about marriage. But it’s not because I don’t have any
ting married but us gays not being able to, and she was intensely heckled for it. Of faith in it, it’s because I think marriage should last until death do you part. So for
course she handled it just fine and shot right back at them, “Ah, boo yourselves!” me, I have to be sure I’m willing to work to make that happen with my partner. And
The crowd laughed just a little, and there was a moment of slight awkwardness working to make your relationship last is a pretty serious undertaking.
afterwards, but it passed quickly. She then went on to do a hilarious version of My lovely childhood experience with divorce and my reservations about mar-
“You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” with riage defined my reaction when my
the furry arms of a puppet wrapped partner asked me recently “How do
around her neck. He was “singing” Neil you picture your wedding?” It took
Diamond’s part of that little duet… me well over ten minutes to answer
most excellent. It kind of took me by her, and I still wasn’t sure about my
surprise to see the crowd booing her answer. The only thing I knew for
that way over her joke, though, and I certain is that I didn’t want it to be a
started to examine (again) the whole big affair with a million guests and a
gay marriage topic. I know, I know, lavish ceremony. I pictured it being
it’s been rehashed so many times, more secluded, private and between
but I couldn’t help but mull it over us. And in that hazy vision in my head,
one more time. I mean, it is marriage neither ordained minister nor clerk
right? This is serious business! Or is it? from some state office were any-
A lot of girls grow up thinking where to be found. When it comes
about marriage. They imagine the to this whole gay marriage thing, do
big day, their beautiful gown, the we in fact need the state or even the
tearful exchange of vows, the hap- federal government to define our
pily ever after. For many women, (and relationships for us? Speaking per-
probably a lot of men) weddings and sonally, I’m not entirely sure. The state
marriage are supposed to resemble is framing marriage in an entirely
the Disney-esque fairy tale that’s religion-based, heterocentric way.
been ingrained into them since child- This definition in turn deems who
hood. For me though, this is the polar is eligible for services that for some,
opposite of what I envision when I can mean life or death (i.e., health
think about marriage—and not just insurance benefits via marriage), who
because I’m a lesbian. inherits what at the time of death,
I’ve grown up envisioning an who is worthy of parenthood. That’s
inevitable divorce, and plotting ways not a system that I want to be a part
to avoid it. My parents never really of. While it’s my (highly unrealistic)
got along, so I spent most of my child- personal belief that the whole system
hood watching them have fight after is shot and should be dismantled
fight, which finally ended when the completely, I do realize that it is the
gavel came down in court and they only system we have at the moment.
“When it comes to this whole gay marriage thing, do we in fact need the state or even the
federal government to define our relationships for us? Speaking personally, I’m not entirely sure.”
went their separate ways. My story is certainly typical. One in every two marriages So we should be fighting to fix it, along with fighting for our rights within it.
ends in divorce in the U.S., so chances are this scenario sounds familiar for a lot of And as for our relationships, I think it’s up to us to make them last. The Disney
people—gay, straight and everything in between. fairy tale is just that—a fairy tale. The reality is something more like, say, Roseanne,
My experience with relationships in the lesbian/gay community hasn’t been with most of us being more human, more colorful, more real…but maybe we
much different. I’ve had exes who’ve bought rings for every girl they’ve ever been gays are a little more fashionable than Dan and Roseanne.
with, had friends who have gone through the whole ceremony just to break up
three months later. I’ve even felt sure a time or two and told myself ,“she’s the one,”
feedback?
itsagirlthing@ragemonthly.com or
blogatragemonthly.com
26 RAGE monthly | OctOber 2009
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