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who seems to be having a bad day and has you stopped for an infrac- tion? Do you bully through or act like the tough guy? Neither. Remember avoidance? Re-


member deterrence? Now, put ev- erything together. Use skills to de-escalate the situation. I’m not kidding when I tell you to buy a book on basic interpersonal and negotiation skills and read it. Usu- ally, a few words, followed with assertiveness, confi dence, the im- pression of genuine care (even if it’s baloney) and a certain amount of good luck, can actually serve to get your butt out of lots of hot water. When I was a street cop, I


could generally talk my way in- and-out of most situations. I rarely got physical, and when I did, it was usually with someone who was already past any kind of sense; whether it be from drugs or simply because they were crazy. You have to be ready to go to red if necessary; but it’s worth trying de-escalation if you have the time, experience and wherewithal. I used to teach a basic negotia-


tion skills seminar. I’d teach it to cops, citizen groups, even did some “lunch” seminars at corporations. I offered very simple skills for peo- ple to get what they needed from a situation. Often, it was purely to de-escalate something that had gone too far. But like one guy told me, “Hey Roy, you can use these skills for everything from getting out of tough situations to getting your kids to eat their green beans.” He was right.


Final Thoughts I could go on for thousands of


words; offer you some very specifi c situations and actions to take from them. But it’s better to offer a re- sponse mode for the unexpected — whatever that might be. Let’s just come out and say it: “If a situation doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.” Learn to develop your instincts; learn to listen to them, and then learn to trust them. Stay in yellow all the time.


Your kids or neighbors might be in oblivious white, but there’s no reason you can’t be in yellow, pay- ing attention to what’s going on around you. If that sounds like a good idea; if you like taking re- sponsibility for your own safety, the safety of your family and the people around you, then you are a sheepdog. Trust me when I say, it’s a good feeling to be a sheepdog and not a sheep. *


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