5 MINUTES
with DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER
Win-Wins Keep Romance Alive D
eceitful folks are folks falling in love. Infatuation is not love, by the way, but infatuation is nature’s way of bringing male and female together
so there will be reproduction. This is nature. How can we get these two people to be around each
other long enough to make babies and nurture them? So, in the beginning, people lie to each other and blind themselves to anything but the good stuff. How many times have you heard me say, did you notice
any of this when you were dating? “Oh, yeah, but now we’re getting a divorce. After 17 kids
and four dogs, we’re getting a divorce.” Well, this is the progression. Nature gives you these hormones that get shot out from your brain that make you feel all atwitter. You just can’t think and do anything. Generally, people should date for two years, and then
get engaged, and then wait to get married. After two years, we go from the romantic insanity, which is where you lie to the other person and ignore the bad stuff, to the next stage, which is the power struggle. “We’ve gotten married, we moved in, we’ve done all this
stuff. We’re dealing with each other’s in-laws, we’re dealing with the neighbors, we’re dealing with each other, and we’re not holding back anymore. We’re not being cute and
adorable all the time because we’re not worried about being rejected anymore because we’re married.” So, rejection is not a thing. You stop being as romantic,
you stop being as affectionate, you stop being as attentive, and you stop ignoring the quirks, and the annoying habits. Now, the only people who make it through this second
level are the people who go for win-wins. That’s why I think six to nine months of premarital counseling should be required before you’re allowed to get married. Because you don’t talk about any of these things till the romantic stage is over. And then you tend to just want to reproduce your original family. And you can’t do that unless you married your sister or your brother. That’s the only way there’ll be no arguments about how the family’s run. “No, I want things done with my religion.” “No, I want
things done my way.” “I thought you said religion doesn’t matter.” “Well, it does now, because we have kids.” That’s what happens. And there are certain things for
which there will not be a win-win. Then there is misery and/or divorce. Win-win is my message.
Listen to Dr. Laura on SiriusXM Channel 111, Mon.–Sat. 2–6pm ET, Sun. 5–9pm ET.
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