‘T ese are not ordinary lives’


‘Spilt’ by Rory Randall 2019 When we have taken time to explore this


a little, people are readily able to enter into conversations about what indeed their lives are for, and their aspirations for their own lives. For example: Hamilton: “You’ve spoken of not feeling able to continue studying at university this year. I, too, was unable to study for some time whilst I had been in a psychiatric hospital. I know what it meant for me, and I would be happy to discuss it more with you, but could you tell me a bit about what not continuing with study means to you?” Jack: “Yes...well my family has not been happy with me, they care about me and want the best for me, but they aren’t stoked about me not going back to uni.” Hamilton: “Is that an expectation they have of you?” Jack: “Yeah, they think I should be studying and working towards getting a degree ‘cos they know I used to really want to be a paramedic.” Hamilton: “You ‘used to really want to be a paramedic’; what does that say about what you aspire for yourself now?” Jack: “It’s not that I don’t want to do that, I want to help people, but right now, I don’t feel like I can get there, there’s stuff I care more about”. Hamilton: “Yeah, would you tell me a bit about that?”


Context 164, August 2019 This conversation then went on to


discuss the things which Jack wanted to bring closer into his life. Specifically, that loneliness had been all too present with him, whereas friends felt out of reach. Jack had also had some troubling experiences with ‘visions’, which had resulted in him being diagnosed with a psychiatric illness. We learnt that Jack’s aspiration for his life was to bring friends more present into his life and that was what we worked towards. Inevitably, we confronted the looming expectations of others; however, when we connected to his expectations and aspirations for himself, the expectations of others held less power than his own. The following conversation is another


example of attempting to engage in a ‘not ordinary lives’ re-authoring conversation. It involves trying to assist Pandora in separating the goals foisted upon her by clinical services and the goals that she has for her own life. Pandora: [crying] “They say I have to go to the gym and the cooking group today but I don’t want to, I just don’t see the point”. Hamilton: “Really? Why do you think that they have this plan for you?” Pandora: “I don’t know, they said I need to get ready for discharge, get some routine and start doing normal things again”.


Hamilton: “Does this fi t with your expectations for discharge and the routine of your life outside of hospital?” Pandora: “No ... there’s nothing normal about my life outside of hospital. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t even get out of bed most of the time”. Hamilton: “If these expectations aren’t meeting that of your own and you say there’s nothing normal about your life outside of hospital, could I maybe ask and learn a bit about what the desires are that you do have for yourself then?” Through this line of questioning, we


were able to see that, for Pandora, there was ‘nothing normal’ about her life, especially her life that was underscored by the persistence of a problem that made it diffi cult for her to achieve the expectations of others. We learnt that, more than normality, Pandora desired to reconnect with the ‘fun’ that was once in her life. Working towards this ‘fun’, had little to do with meeting the expectations of others. As I continue to straddle dual roles, as a


person with a lived experience of mental illness, and a person working with people with a lived experience of mental illness, I am developing my own skills in making practice that is uniquely my own. I am not quite a therapist, not quite a peer to those I work with. I am a mentally-ill narrative practitioner, one who is continually a


17


Making an art of failure: ‘These are not ordinary lives’


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