interrelatedness of family members thoughts, feelings and behaviours (Alexander et al., 2013). Due to not being able to see this, I asked the family to comment on their own process. I asked them to inform me of ‘changes’ that occur in the room which I may miss, including verbal and nonverbal interactions. My hope was that this would empower the family to notice and comment on their own process. I have also framed this as ‘helping me out’ to do the best I can to work with the family virtually. I have added to this by asking a few questions including: “How did he react when you said that? How did you just show comfort to her aſt er she said that?” and, “I think I saw his hand on your arm, am I correct?” Obviously, their relationship to voice entitlement (Boyd, 2010), including the permission and the how-and-when, alongside the infl uence of their social graces (Burnham et al., 2008) will aff ect the ease of this discussion. I hope my request for this information may go some way to aiding the family with their communication in the session and outside the session. It is interesting to think about power


and the constant choices we are making as systemic psychotherapists, and to choose what to voice and our intention of doing this, even more so if our therapeutic relationship is based only on our virtual interactions. In relation to families that haven’t engaged virtually, our approach purposefully uses the idea of ‘nobility’ to think about the family through a favourable lens. T is isn’t to ignore the referral behaviours but as a way for the families to hear a diff erent story about themselves to aid the engagement process. A family I had met twice face-to- face, ignored my calls and texts off ering a phone or video call, even with me sending them long texts describing the process of doing the call as well as we could. Aſt er three weeks, the mother of this family arranged a telephone call with me. She started by saying, “T e thought of a video call terrifi es me” she continued that she, “doesn’t even FaceTime her family and that they are doing what they can to survive” Aſt er thinking through a risk assessment and reviewing the other agencies the family are involved with, we agreed to put family therapy on hold until face-to- face sessions can resume. I framed this as her being honest, knowing what is best for her family at this time, and her


Context 169, June 2020


protecting them all by doing the best they can to look aſt er each other. I wonder if the expectation of having to engage in therapy and home schooling alongside the fi nancial implications and the anxiety about COVID-19 and the world was understandably too much to process. I hoped how I framed this to her led to a diff erent story for her and her family to hear, rather then hearing or thinking they have ‘not engaged with therapy’ and have not used services which her and her family should be; instead, they are doing the best they can to survive this uncertain pandemic.


Behaviour change T e primary goal of the behaviour


change phase is to eff ect change in the family’s problem behaviours and the risk and protective factors associated with these problems (Alexander, et al.,


2013). In the behaviour change phase, the therapist teaches, models, coaches and directs role-play experiences through which family members rehearse new behaviours. T e therapist also provides technical aids and gives practise exercises as homework to help families continue to improve their skills in between sessions. My experience of talking to people on


screens is with my family and friends, and I’m now in a professional role in my living room, with familiar photos and books as well as being barked at by my dog! How can this not change our interactions? T e familiarity of doing the work I love and seeing the families via a screen in my living room, with the distance and limited physical connections enforced by social distancing, is an interesting process to refl ect on. A nine-year-old I’ve had four face-to-face sessions with said she would only sit in a


39


From ‘joining’ to ‘social distancing’


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