very much systemic; they are snapshots showing how, by adapting my approach to considering how a child can belong with me in those moments, I am more likely to help them access the areas which require therapeutic work.


Clinical examples of ‘belonging’ in therapy My clients are young people who have experienced complex


trauma, abuse and loss; who have been presenting high levels of need, both emotionally and behaviourally to social services, requiring serious multi-disciplinary case-discussions as to ways forward. All the clients live in therapeutic residential children’s homes, having moved from numerous foster carers and other childcare providers who were unable to meet their emotional, social, cognitive and behavioural needs. ‘Belonging’ for these young people has primarily been negatively


experienced. T ey have found their group or family to be the source of alarm, fear or inconsistency and, as a result, their concept, comprehension and expectations are that to be part of a group, albeit a dyad, is unlikely to be safe. A key part of my clinical work is to provide them with a safe enough context without being so diff erent that I become the source of alarm, and invite opportunities to learn ‘belonging’ diff erently. In this section, I am therefore exploring ‘belonging’ more


specifi cally with the links between therapist and client/s. Ideas around engagement, the therapeutic relationship and at achment are helpfully considered by many therapists from a range of theoretical backgrounds but fundamentally, whatever our background theory, the therapy process requires the client to experience a good enough sense of ‘belonging’ at that point in time. Location – One example is about the environment: from listening at entively to children and adults over the years, I note that the size, location, what it has in it and temperature of the therapy room, to name but a few, DOES make a diff erence as to whether the client feels they can think, relax, interact and focus. I would describe this as how well they feel comfortable enough to ‘belong’ in the room, in that specifi c context. T is aspect of ‘belonging’ is explored with my work with Leon. Relationship – Another major part in ‘belonging’ in therapy at any point in time is to consider the level and nature of the connectedness between client and therapist. In order for clients to fully feel, experience and believe that the therapist is going to be able to make a diff erence with them, an invisible umbilical cord is required: a shared something that creates a thread of joint togetherness. For some people, this can be as simple as fi nding a shared liking


of custard creams and delighting in taking off the top without destroying the cream, as with eight-year-old Dean! T e use of ‘verbal communication’, of conjoint thinking, are one part of the thread of connectedness but it is in the ‘action’ of sit ing together, in the calm, quiet process of nibbling away, showing each other the work in progress and ‘feeling’ the experience of enjoying the moments that provide the new experience; that permits the belief to form in these young clients that there is an emotional sense of ‘belonging’ with this stranger called a therapist. Unfortunately, for many of the children in the care system, the


feeling that they ‘belong’ anywhere fully or with anyone has been shat ered so many times that the experience is hard to develop. Trust in others has been put on hold, and a belief they are living a transient life of repetitive moves means that permit ing themselves to form positive feelings of ‘belonging’ anywhere has become diffi cult. Learning to


Context 169, June 2020


form these connections within therapy means they not only get the opportunity to learn to recognise the feelings they so deserve, but they also then develop the opportunity to use this experience to explore their thoughts and feelings about the lost ‘belongings’ and desired future ones. It also provides an opening for hope: once an enriched experience of ‘belonging’ has been experienced, it becomes possible to replicate it in other contexts. Leon – is a 14 year old with a diagnosis of autism, complex trauma from years of living with domestic abuse who had refused to engage with any individual therapy. Everything had been tried during the school day and now a new therapist had been assigned – me – as he already knew me in the context of the family therapy sessions with his mother. When it came to actually at ending his session, he refused, as was his usual pat ern, but agreed to see me aſt er school at his residential home. I doubted this would happen but had the support of the staff in trying to enable him to at end. However, by thinking about ‘belonging’ through location, some


success was achieved. T e way in which Leon felt able to engage in therapy was in the


safety of his bedroom with his door open; he had his fi shing hooks and wire in his hand, which could be viewed as dangerous but, for Leon, it enabled him to feel calm with what he enjoys most in the world. I sat on the fl oor not far from his feet to demonstrate that I felt safe within our relationship (he regularly requires a number of people to restrain him when he escalates his state of emotional trauma through violence). Aſt er a relatively short space of time, we were discussing his memories of the three men who had been involved in the trauma of his early years. He felt able to show me photos, explain the layout of the rooms we were looking at in his home and how they had now changed. He told me stories that had never yet been heard by any professional or even his key workers with whom he did experience good relationships. In fact, until this particular therapy session, no one had even heard of the existence of the third man. So what happened? I recognise that this approach is highly unorthodox and many


therapists reading this may be having conniptions. I fully understand that the concept of raising traumatic and painful memories with a young man in his bedroom can raise the potential fears that his bedroom will no longer be experienced by him as a safe haven for him to feel secure and set led. However, for THIS boy, it was important for me not to see the world as we are expected to, but instead by how HE needed and needs it to be. He is already thinking and remembering his traumas and fears; they descend on him on a nightly basis anyway and so I simply enabled him to be able to share these traumas. I was able to demonstrate I could bear his pain and hold him emotionally through the narratives. I could give simple, possible emotional language to his physical and mental angst that he is so unable to explain other than through rage and violence on a regular nightly basis.


27


Engaging those with complex trauma through ‘belonging’


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