an extended period – eight years in fact, and now working in a hospital as a support worker, much later – a complete role reversal, I think I am in a good position to talk about mental illness, and in particular – schizophrenia. T e schizophrenic condition – most schizophrenics trust only a handful of people, if that, and oſt en there is a kind of arrogance about their association with the way they treat those people. I have noticed this through my own symptoms, and fellow patients and friends; that there is oſt en a “preoccupation”, or perhaps “obsession” with espionage, conspiracy theories, and surveillance. People become paranoid for a reason, and being secluded to a ward in hospital, sometimes with no leave, I think anyone would become edgy. But mix that with total institutionalisation, being surrounded by people who are going through similar troubles, one can see how this would exacerbate the situation. In hindsight, I can see that I was a very troubled young man, looking for answers in the wrong places. But what would have been the right places to seek answers to the questions I had? Was being secluded to an acute ward the only remedy? In our society, maybe yes! But in other societies, what we in the West see as a defect would be seen as something positive. What we in this country label as madness, gives us an insight into the culture and society we live in. What is taboo, what is expected of us, how we should act, and what is our role within the community in which we live? T ese are not just fl imsy concepts, they represent a very real boundary between freedom and incarceration. And that freedom that we so oſt en take for granted can be swiped away if we are not aware that this boundary exists. I accept that every culture has laws;
otherwise there would be anarchy. But madness is not the same as crime, although admit edly the two can be intertwined. Madness is a construct determined by its rival – “normality”. T e two would not exist without each other. But where do you draw the line? And more to the point, who draws the line? T e psychiatrist? I believe that the only real way to recovery is when the patient realises there is a line that is drawn, what that line represents, that there are certain things that are expected of you, and what is or isn’t acceptable. When one is in a state of madness, it is oſt en very diffi cult to see your own misgivings, all you can see is your own victimisation, how you are caught in a system that has isolated you. But to get bet er, as I have, one must come to a realisation that something is wrong and consequently
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do something about it. I believe that road starts with small steps; it does not happen immediately. A few years ago, I had an exhibition – a
series of paintings about my time in hospital, each painting devoted to an instance of my story. At the exhibition private view, one of the occupational therapists who had been key to my recovery came along, and asked me if I would like to work part time at the hospital as a peer support worker. I was thrilled and went through the necessary hoops involved to secure the job. And so I have started work on the other side of that great divide, working on acute wards in hospital. T is has given me insight, which I did not have while being hospitalised, of why there are boundaries; boundaries are necessary, for instance, boundaries between the nurses and the patients. T e staff is responsible for the wellbeing of the patients, and the boundaries are there to ensure there is no ill treatment of the patients. When I come into work on a Monday
aſt ernoon to teach art, I am aware, as I wasn’t when I was ill, that there is something not quite right about how the some of the patients interact with me. Some are not quite coherent in the way they talk; others are gregarious and won’t stop talking. One woman took a drawing I had been slaving over, and started scribbling all over it; for me that is pushing boundaries. However, regardless of the troubles they have, I have found there are moments when these people come to life, animated, honest and genuine. I have heard conversations that I wouldn’t have had in mainstream society, and there is something about the soul of the place that goes far beyond its label as simply a mental institution. T is was true both when I was a patient and now, many years later, as a support worker. T ese are not simply people with mental diffi culties, these are people who society just doesn’t know how to deal with; and that is why they have been pigeonholed as insane. I have gained much from being in hospital, and also working in one. And I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to work in the hospital if I hadn’t been a patient previously, so what turned out as a seemingly bad hand, was actually more rewarding than I could have possibly hoped. I still have to take medication and life is still tricky at times, but the fact that I have been on both sides of the wall has given me an insight into life that I wouldn’t have if everything was plain sailing. In the words of a famous song by Chumbawumba “You get knocked down, but you get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down”.
What Really Goes Down
Feel the pain Feel the rain The pain of my people As dictators strain To play a new game Where inequalities legal Justice – deemed evil And if you don’t comply Then the consequence is lethal It’s simple –
Bribes, bombs and boasts A lethal dose of blog posts Thatcher’s ghost – haunts a host An elected – selected – majority All in the name of democracy, Where the poor pay the fee For Johnson’s insanity It’s insane, vain – vanity But we all pay the price For inhumane humanity
And who’s to blame The old contenders, off enders Power, money and fame – they come into the equation But this is a new game and the rules have changed. It’s mass manipulation Misinformation, in our nation With no explanation But exploitation, globalisation Where the world’s run by corporations Buying up your local radio station.
The import, the export- But you don’t get the full report When the media’s been bought. And they distort – the facts And the cards are stacked By billionaires who pay no tax. Turn on the news – and get confused Why we leaving the EU? If only the people knew What leaving would do They’d campaign for remain But they didn’t have a clue.
Now the worst is in sight We got to sit tight And fi ght for our rights But to cope, we got to do more Than hope – because Life’s no easy ride It never was. Life was never easy! And while the Amazon burns Will humanity learn Before the point of no return That they got a responsibility, To their community, and each other To respect one another? And for what it’s worth Respect Mother Earth
by Henry Cockburn Context 169, June 2020
On both sides of the wall
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