LIFE LESSONS FROM THE POLICE: PART 1
‘POLICE STORIES I PROBABLY
SHOULDN’T SHARE’
John Donoghue has written several books about time in the service, and his latest is ‘A Bonsai Tree Called Geoff: Police Stories I Probably Shouldn’t Share’. Here is an extract from the book, in a new series for Police Magazine, “Lessons From the Police”
When I first considered joining the police, I knew exactly what to expect. After all, I’d watched enough TV programmes to know the score, and in true Donoghue fashion, I’d even drawn up the top
10 things I could expect based on what I’d seen:
• Most crime is solved by a chief inspector with his sergeant sidekick.
• During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• The job entails lots of action and no filling out of reports or file prep.
• If DNA says that someone has an airtight alibi, there is always an identical twin nobody knew about.
• Anyone with a crucial piece of information to solve the crime won’t divulge it over the phone but insist on meeting
chance to run off.
• If you hear a noise in a basement, you’ll go and investigate it on your own.
in person… but when you turn up, they’ll be dead.
• When a cop investigating a crime has an idea, they’ll just say, “I’ve just thought of something,” and rush out of the
room without telling anyone what it was. • Printers always work.
However, not long after joining I soon found out that that little glowing box in the corner of the room that tells me stories had been lying to me… and that’s when I learnt my first of many life lessons in the police:
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• It takes minutes to run any DNA or forensics test, and a million to one DNA match comes up 99 per cent of the time.
• If you see a suspect you need to arrest, don’t grab them, just shout “oi” at them from over the road giving them a
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• Assume nothing. • Believe no one. • Challenge everything.
The book ‘A Bonsai Tree Called Geoff: Police Stories I Probably Shouldn’t Share’ is out on Amazon now.
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