HEALTH


“I became hyper-vigilant, but not in the obvious way. Some of the jobs I had dealt with in the past had gone wrong, which meant I could never just leave things. I was never satisfied, I was constantly worrying about things and would catastrophise over everything. I became a complete perfectionist at work because I was so worried about losing my job, or even going to prison over it. I spent hours and hours on paperwork, just so that I had covered every tiny point. “I experienced huge guilt and shame


as I couldn’t cope, and I felt like I was the only officer who felt like this, even though everyone else was also busy and had too much work to do. All I kept thinking was that I wasn’t performing well enough, and I was the only one who wasn’t tough enough to do the job. I was too frightened to speak up as everyone else seemed to be dealing and coping with it all.” Police officers who face the most demand and do not have enough time to stay on top of their workloads are twice as likely to have Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). At this point, Hannah was not only suffering with undiagnosed C-PTSD and burnout, but she was bringing up a young family – that’s when things took an unexpected turn for the worse. “I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was an utter shock I was only 34 years old. No-one had it in my family, I didn’t smoke, wasn’t overweight, and I didn’t have high blood pressure. But emotionally and mentally, I was in complete burnout, and I feel this was a contributing factor to my diagnosis. Everyone associates cancer with being a physical disease, but I believe my mental and emotional state was definitely connected with my diagnosis. I was completely exhausted and unwell.” Although frightened, shocked and


trying to blame anyone – they were not trained, nor did they have the time to deal with my situation themselves. My supervisors were incredibly kind, but they didn’t really know what to say or do to help me, and I didn’t know how to ask. “I remember worrying about wearing my wig to work – nobody talks to you about that. I was constantly worried when facing members of the public and going out to jobs that my wig would come off. It was very personal to me, and I felt self conscious and isolated from my team.” Though Hannah initially recovered from her cancer, she didn’t seek the long-term help she needed and within three months


“ It may seem like a cliché, but the best thing


you can do if you are struggling is to share it with someone – it doesn’t have to be a colleague, but someone who is trustworthy and kind. The minute you share your worries or your fears, it really does help, and you usually find you are not the only one feeling that way.”


of returning to work, the cancer returned. “I went off sick again but this time it was the wake-up call that I needed. It was a very dark and difficult time, as I had to face the fact that I wouldn’t be able to return back to the force – I knew I had to put my life and my health first. “In May 2013, I decided to resign from the police and, while this removed a huge weight off my shoulders, I was absolutely devastated. This was my career, my identity, and the only thing that I knew how to do.


angry, Hannah describes a sudden relief that she didn’t have to go to work because she had a valid excuse for being off sick. “That was a real moment, when I realised that things had become so bad that I felt immense relief that I now had something substantial and serious enough to not continue at work.


“I went through chemotherapy and surgery and received nine months full pay, which is amazing – many people would not receive that level of financial support from work. However, I wasn’t supported emotionally or mentally by work. I’m not


“I spent around two years getting myself well again – climbing up from rock bottom with no confidence or self esteem, no job, and no qualifications, to learning how to look after my own mental and physical health, and becoming really well again.” Hannah bravely decided to turn her experience into something positive, to help her understand more about what she had gone through and to help others. Hannah has been coaching others in wellbeing for seven years and has been a practicing psychotherapist in Brain Working Recursive Therapy (BWRT) for two years. “I wanted to find a treatment that


actually dealt with C-PTSD and didn’t just manage the symptoms, and BWRT was very successful in that way, so I trained in it myself. “I decided to get the qualifications I needed in wellbeing coaching,


29 | POLICE | FEBRUARY 2023


counselling for PTSD, and psychotherapy in BWRT. I read books, took multiple courses and really immersed myself in that field to be able to help others who were struggling. “It may seem like a cliché, but the best thing you can do if you are struggling is to share it with someone – it doesn’t have to be a colleague, but someone who is trustworthy and kind. The minute you share your worries or your fears, it really does help, and you usually find you are not the only one feeling that way. When our fears stay inside our heads, they have more power. They become darker, bigger and stronger. When you say it out loud to someone else, it can reduce those feelings, and they don’t have the same hold over you. “Therapy can be a great help, but it isn’t for everyone. There are now many ways to get help; group support, walk and talk groups, books, podcasts, apps.…


One size doesn’t fit all. Do not give up, keep trying, you’ll find the solution. Listen, share, and learn as much as you can!”


Hannah now runs her own business – Blue Light Wellbeing – providing one- to-one therapy and wellbeing sessions, public speaking at events, and wellbeing workshops for different police forces. She brings her personal and professional experiences together to help those in the police who need support, awareness and education. For more information go to: www.bluelightwellbeing.uk


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