5thCLASS_1_96_jg:Layout 1 5/3/12 17:35 Page 9


I was drying up after tea when I heard Dad’s voice behind me. ‘A superb effort from the eleven-year-old,’ he said. ‘Look at that wiping action. This could be his personal best on the saucepan with lid.’ I sighed. OK, Dad does a pretty good sports commentator’s voice for an abattoir worker, but all I could think of was the 1,927 days to go till the Sydney Olympics. ‘But wait!’ yelled Dad. ‘Look at this burst of speed from his nine-year-old rival. Fourteen point six three seconds for the non-stick frying pan. That’s got to be close to a world record if she can get it on the shelf without dropping it.’ Sharon, my sister, rolled her eyes. He was still at it two hours later when we were cleaning our teeth. ‘It’s Sharon, Sharon’s holding on to her lead around the back teeth, but wait, she’s slipped, her brush has slipped, oh no, this is a tragedy for the plucky youngster, she’s missed a molar and Brendan has taken the lead, he’s streaking home along the front ones, it’s gold, it’s gold, it’s gold for Australia!’ Before we could remind Dad that shouting before bed gives kids nightmares, he herded us out into the backyard. Sitting under the clothes hoist there were banana crates, the middle one taller than the others. ‘The winners’ podium,’ announced Dad. We stared, mouths open. Dad had always been mad about sport, but he’d never gone this far. Weak with shock, we allowed ourselves to be led up on to the podium, where Sharon received the silver medal for teeth cleaning and I was awarded the gold for dropping the frying pan. Mum stuck her head out the back door. ‘Bedtime, you kids,’ she said. ‘It’s eight-fifteen.’ ‘Crossing now to the back door,’ shouted Dad, ‘to witness a true champion in action.’ Before she knew it, Mum was on the podium having an old beer bottle top on a ribbon hung round her neck for telling the right time.


Over the next days, gold medals were won at our place for potato peeling, TV watching, ironing, getting up in the morning, pet care, closing the fridge door, vacuuming, chess, whistling, putting socks on, toast scraping, yawning, homework, head scratching, microwave operation, hiccups, sleeping, nose picking, sitting down, standing up, walking, standing still, begging a parent to stop, and chucking a plastic strainer at a parent. ‘Love,’ Mum said to Dad as he was hanging another bottle top round her neck (spin


How did Brendan and Sharon react to their father’s commentary? 9


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