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UPBEAT’s Pre-FALL Guide SEPTEMBER 2019 September 14, 2019 JOKES & Humor #3


The 14th Annual “Old Grove Festival” at


the Forest Theatre in Armstrong Redwoods


Guerneville, CA. ~ In a ben- efit for Stewards of the Coast and Redwoods and Save the Redwoods League. A Two- Day


Musical Feast Under


the Redwoods. THE SAM CHASE AND THE UN- TRADITIONAL


(Punk-in- Free Play Offer


MONDAYS-FRIDAYS IN SEPTEMBER Earn 100 points each day and receive $10 Free Slot Play. You keep the points! Redeem offers at the Rewards Center.


fused Folk-Rock) RAINBOW GIRLS (Eclectic Folk Trio) Sunday, September 15, 2019: JAY SOM (Indie Dream Pop) & ALEX BLEEKER (of Real Estate) (Cosmic Alt-Country/ Folk) Gates open at 4:30pm; Showtime is 5:30pm. The event will be held at Red- wood Forest Theatre in Arm- strong Redwoods State Natu- ral Reserve. Directions: From River Road in Guerneville, travel 2 miles north on Arm- strong Woods Rd. (Members of Stewards receive a 20% discount


off the following


Slot Tournament


MONDAYS IN SEPTEMBER | 12PM - 5PM Get one FREE entry!


TOP PRIZE OF $1,000 CASH!


MINUTES FROM ANYWHERE IN SONOMA COUNTY.


ROHNERT PARK @ US 101 TO EXIT 484


288 Golf Course Drive West Rohnert Park, CA P 707.588.7100


FREE PLAY OFFER VALID FROM 12:01AM UNTIL 11:59PM MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY. MULTIPLIER AND POKER POINTS NOT VALID FOR THIS PROMOTION. LIMIT OF ONE ENTRY PER SLOT TOURNAMENT. SLOT TOURNAMENT WINNERS HAVE 72 HOURS TO CLAIM THEIR PRIZE. MUST BE 50 OR OLDER TO PARTICIPATE. MUST HAVE A GRATON REWARDS CARD AND VALID ID. MANAGEMENT RESERVES ALL RIGHTS. PLAY WITHIN YOUR LIMITS. IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM CALL 1-800-GAMBLER FOR HELP. ROHNERT PARK, CA. ©2019 GRATON RESORT & CASINO


prices.) General: $45 to $50; Preferred: $65; Redwood Circle: $85 to $95; Children 5-12: $10--One child free w/ each paid adult; Discounts: Stewards’ Members 20% off, 2-day early bird tickets--15% off (until Aug 15), 2-day tick- ets after Aug 15th—5% off. First come, first serve in section purchased. Free with Admission (Walking up to ¾ mile may be required; bring flashlights & warm clothes; (shuttles provided for those in need). Specific parking information is available at OldGroveFestival.org. (Those needing special accommoda- tions are asked to call 707- 869-9177 in advance.) TICK- ETS & INFORMATION: OldGroveFestival.org or 707-869-9177 E-mail & questions: Kathy Ocean: kathy@communityconcerts.com>


Pg 12 • SEPTEMBER 2019 • UPBEAT TIMES, INC.


JOB #: GRT-165717 JOB TITLE: MY GENERATION PUBLICATION: UPBEAT TIMES INSERTION DATE: SEPT 2019


Q. What does Earth say to tease the other planets?


A. “You guys have no life.” ~


In 1905, Albert Einstein pub- lished a theory about space.


And it was about time. ~


Q. Why do people make bad chemistry jokes?


A. Because all the good ones Argon. ~


I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75. ~


To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches. ~


Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.


“You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.” —Henry Ford


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