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LIVE 24-SEVEN - PAUL FOOT


the whole show and I asked her if something was wrong and her friend said she had just come from a funeral. Well, they thought they were being very clever and that this would shut me right up. But that was a grave error. I went for the jugular baybayyy. I mean, it wasn’t my fault, was it? I didn’t kill them! Anyway, it turns out it was a big lie anyway and no one had been to a funeral. That was absolutely top quality!


Social media: love it or hate it, it means you're never off duty. Are you a fan? Do you enjoy that interaction with your Connoisseurs? Yes, I love it! I always enjoy meeting my Connoisseurs, on the internet or in real life. In fact, after every single tour show I always hold a shambolic meet and greet session, where anyone in the audience can come up and say hello and tell me about the strange thoughts from their mind. I meet my Connoisseurs all over the world. It’s one of the best things about my job


You remind me of Edmund Blackadder a little bit with your hair, not the tie, but definitely your appreciation of the fine English language! Which comedians have you appreciated over the years? My favourite comedian is Brian Gittins. He is hilarious and strange. But my favourite comedy is not actually other comedians at all. My favourite humour is videos of people’s weddings being ruined. Maybe the large bride falls onto the cake, destroying it in over 46 places. Or maybe the groom loses consciousness for an unknown


reason and falls onto a selection of decorative candles and burns his trousers off.


[laughing] Ever just want not to be funny? Like ‘I'm having a bad mood and you haven't paid to see me, I'm sat in a restaurant trying to eat so leave me alone’ kinda feeling? Yes and no. Comedians are people too, of course, but there is always a funny way to deal with a boring, depressing situation. For example, the other day a man came to my door trying to sell me stupid new windows. I wanted nothing more than to get back to watching weddings go wrong and for him and his stupid son to leave me alone. But I toyed with them, he kept on saying that my porch window was out of date and I needed a new one. So I said “Oh, that’s terrible, I’m gonna smash it in! I’m gonna smash the whole porch to pieces!” And he was saying, “Oh no, don’t do that!” He was totally shaken up. Anyway, then I started doing the weeding while he was talking to me, which he didn’t like at all. He seemed to think I had to stand there in my doorway giving him my undivided attention. Then he asked me whether I would be interested in replacing my windows, and I said “Ooh yes, definitely!” He was very pleased and asked me when I would like him to come and replace them, and I said, “In about 10 years.” He left at that point. I had wasted over 20 minutes of his life, and made some real progress with the weeds.


To see Paul's tour dates visit www.paulfoot.tv


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