Letter from the Publisher Self-Acceptance


T


contact us Publisher


Dee Whitaker


Executive Editor J. Michael LeGrand


Associate Editor Luke C. LeGrand


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his month’s feature article by Deborah Shouse, “Aging with Passion and Purpose,” on page 40, identifies self-acceptance as a key to feeling good about yourself and your life. A line that touched me is: “Once you


appreciate yourself and your years, you can relinquish outdated expectations and seek to discover your true self.” We don’t have to wait but can start right now. Looking into the subject, I learned that as children we’re generally able to


accept ourselves only to the degree we feel accepted by our parents, despite our worst behaviors. Research has consistently demonstrated that before we’re 8 years old we lack the ability to formulate a clear, separate sense of self from that transmitted to us by our caregivers. If our behaviors appear unacceptable to them, we feel inadequate. I was raised by a divorced mom who worked long hours to take care of her


kids. Dad also worked long hours and saw us on weekends. Both, more often than not, were tired, with little energy left to entertain or connect with us. I received the internal emotional message that I was not worthy of their attention. Growing up, I was exceptionally thin, with big glasses topped by thick and unruly curly hair. I was teased a lot and became shy and withdrawn. I laugh now at pictures of my childhood self, but then I sometimes felt my world had turned against me. A state of self-acceptance didn’t start until adulthood when I caught on that


unkindness tends to germinate in the offender’s struggle with self doubt. In my early 30s I took charge of my inner critic and stopped judging myself as my childhood nemeses did. I activated a plan to achieve a positive self image. My goal was to replace the nauseatingly repetitive negative voice in my head with a positive advocate that continually cheered me on. I became self aware. I took stock of how I’d been overly critical of myself. I


noticed unproductive emotions such as feeling wronged, shamed and not good enough. I realized I did not know the history of my school kid critics or how they saw the world. If they were teasing me, there was some part of themselves they didn’t like; maybe it made them feel powerful for a moment. None of it was about me; it was them they were not happy with. I then practiced catching myself whenever a negative thought arose, quieting


my inner critic. It opened emotional room for compassion, forgiveness and acceptance. For instance, whenever I labeled myself a skinny, gangly girl (a pre- teen plague), I asked: Is this a kind thought? Does it make me feel good? Would I say it to a friend or loved one? Instead of thinking, “When I gain 15 pounds I will be beautiful and feel good,” I would affirm, “I would like to gain 15 pounds so that I am healthier and have more energy.” Thus, I learned to challenge criticism within and without, prepared to coun-


termand it with a positive thought. I still remind myself of my strengths, under- standing that we are all talented in different ways and can be pleased with the areas of expertise that are ours to share, at any age.


Celebrating you, Dee Whitaker, Publisher natural awakenings September 2017 5


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