RELATIONSHIPS
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
When a person ruminates over all of the details of the ending, they stay in the pain, and it can even become worse with time. But what to do with the hurt?
by Joyce Vissell
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
T
hose nine words by Ted Geisel (
Dr.Seuss), one of America’s favourite storytellers, contain
so much wisdom. They apply to many different aspects of life, but I would like to focus on the area of relationships. Most of us are going to have relationships end at some point in our lives, whether they are marriages, partners, friends, relatives, or any other type of relationship. People leave or die, and it hurts. What to do with the hurt?
THE WAY OUT OF THE PAIN There is a person who has been in contact with Barry and me who had a relationship end in a hurtful way. This individual is so hurt and does not know how to handle the pain of this situation. The feeling of rejection seems overwhelming. The other person has walked away and there is no negotiation. For this person, it is over and there is no desire for contact.
32 JULY | AUGUST 2017
Dr. Seuss’ words give great wisdom. Many people are stuck in the feeling that ‘it is over’. But the way out of the pain is to remember the good and to feel grateful. The feeling of gratitude will open a door to your heart and allow the feeling of love to enter. When a person ruminates over all of the details of the ending, they stay in the pain, and it can even become worse with time. The best thing to do is to feel gratitude. Write down the things you can
appreciate about having been with this person. Even sending the list to the person (if still alive) can be very healing. In this way you are transitioning the relationship in a very conscious and loving way. If the person never responds to your letter and expression of gratitude, still you have reached out. The expressed gratitude will free you to go on with your life and even open to a new relationship or friendship. There is the great saying, 'Whenever one door closes, another door opens'.
LOVE 101 One of my very favourite stories is about Leo Buscaglia, who was my teacher at USC in 1971 when I was 25 years old. I was in his master’s degree course, and most of my classes were with him. He was beyond wonderful and taught me many valuable lessons that I still cherish to this day. My favourite class was an extra, no-credit class called Love. Anyone in the university could attend and perhaps fifty students came each week. Leo taught about love. He was the only
professor teaching about this subject in a university in all of the United States. Those of us who chose to attend the class absolutely loved it. He was teaching us how to reach out and really love people in a heartfelt person-to-person way. He had wonderful ideas and could back it up with great literature. His favourite was The Little Prince. He had us practice appreciating people, seeing beauty in each other, expressing gratitude, and writing letters to our family with messages of love. There was such a
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