MINDFULNESS Intimacy and mindfulness


Only when you develop true intimacy with yourself can you learn to do this with the people around you, rediscovering the importance of connection in the process.


by Margie Ulbrick and Dr Richard Chambers


T


he world is in need of healing. Rates of divorce are at an all-time high and many people stay in


relationships that are deeply unhappy. Huge numbers of people are cut off from their own inner world and then wonder why they cannot find intimacy with others. And this lack of intimacy – with ourselves and others – means that many people exist in a state of disconnection from their communities and the ecology of the planet, with increasingly obvious negative consequences. It is important to get back into a


genuine intimacy with yourself and to reconnect with the tender, vulnerable parts of yourself and learn to hold these with gentleness and love. Only then can you learn to do this with the people around you, rediscovering the importance of connection in the process. After all, we are social beings and require genuine connectedness in order to thrive. When we begin the path of


mindfulness, it is natural to hope that one day, with enough practice, all of the difficulties and pain will simply cease to occur. Many of us wish that somehow we will become inoculated against the ups and downs of life, or


16 JULY | AUGUST 2017


find ways to detach from the emotions so that we become immune to the hurt that seems unavoidable in relationships. But as people ripen on the path of meditation and mindfulness, they come to realise that discomfort and difficulty are a part of life and cannot be avoided. Trying to do so leads to spiritual bypassing – the attempt to use mindfulness or other forms of meditation to somehow avoid or get around the difficulties that are an intrinsic part of the human experience. Experienced mindfulness practitioners


– the ones who have stuck with it and are really starting to get it – recognise that the path to liberation is through the difficulties rather than around them (or away from them). Learning to embrace the fullness of life, what Jon Kabat-Zinn calls the “full catastrophe”, with a sense of openness and gentleness – this is the path to liberation. There are two key themes to mindful


relationships. The first is that true intimacy must begin with ourselves. It requires that we become able to fully inhabit our body, to be able to sense and be with whatever we notice there. Only once we become intimate with ourselves can we hope to become intimate with


others. The second key theme is that this intimacy then spreads out in ever- expanding ripples, first to our partner, children, and other loved ones, and then to workmates, communities, and society as a whole. n


Connect with other readers & comment on this article at www.livingnow.com.au


Margie Ulbrick is a relationship counsellor and family lawyer who is passionate about teaching people relationship skills and


working collaboratively to help people create nurturing, sustaining and loving relationships. Her book Mindful Relationships is available from her website and in your local bookstore.


Dr Richard Chambers is a clinical psychologist and internationally-recognised expert in mindfulness. He is leading a university-wide


mindfulness initiative at Monash University and regularly provides mindfulness training to a growing number of businesses, educational institutions, and community organisations.


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84