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Cary Bayer, Life Coach, author of Prosperity
Aerobics and Meditations on Enlightenment
www.carybayer.com
Spiritually Conscious Love
What is spiritually conscious love? For the moment, it might be easier to say what it is not. It is not infatuation or illusions or unrealistic expectations. It does not engage in words, attitudes or behaviors that bring pain to the other person nor run when there are challenges.
Its scope is bigger than just our personalities. A spiritually conscious love values the essence of the partner as well as the personality. The commitment is not only to the physical and emotional well being of the other but also to the mutual spiritual growth that the relationship can provide. This kind of relationship takes a lot of courage, a lot of willingness, a lot of consciousness and a lot of love.
Throughout our lives we have taken on many protective beliefs, attitudes and behaviors in order to survive and every one will show up in our relationships. The good news is that they can be released once we see them. The bad news is that we don’t always see them. For years, our protections have kept us from feeling our own shame or fear or seeing how our beliefs run our lives. While this may serve to keep us from feeling pain, it also keeps us from truly living the fullness of who we really are.
Each one of us has been conditioned by our family which has its own “culture” of beliefs and experiences, some handed down through the generations. These form and mold us. We also have been programmed through society, schooling, religion and maybe ethnicity. We bring all of this background to our partner and our partner to us. No wonder we sometimes hit moments when it feels like it will never work. In these moments, operating out of a problem solving, cause and effect program may not work. However, a holistic spiritual perspective can take us out of the story and to deeper truths.
This starts with completely accepting our partner as the divine being that he or she is. This doesn’t mean we like all the behaviors, theirs or ours. Some behaviors and reactions are protections and we can use the safety of the relationship to encourage loving observations. After all, we can’t see our own shadows! When we gently share what we are observing, the partner listens and hears what is being said. It may not be precise but it must be considered. Our partner is seeing something in us that we can’t or won’t allow ourselves to see. Don’t resist. Allow. We each want the best for both of us.
If we keep in mind that each of us carries conditioning and programming, it will be easier to not take things personally. Being reactive equals taking it personally otherwise we would be responsive which is neutral. Reactivity means something is triggered in us from our past. It could be a tone of voice or an expression. It could be an old feeling like not being acknowledged, not being heard, not being seen. We may not realize it but we may be playing out that wound with our partner. If our partner feels that, it is advisable to consider it in order to clear it up. A spiritually conscious love looks to resolve rather than solve issues. Solving is a logical practice like math. Resolving is more like chemistry. It requires a bit of this and a bit of that. It requires deep listening. That means, listening without being in your head formulating an answer. It requires allowing the gray. Black and white get us nowhere except further apart. And, it requires a bit of compromise. Maybe I can’t have all of what I want, but I can love you enough to find common ground. Needless to say, a spiritually conscious love requires blameless, open expression of what we are feeling. Communication is better when we make it about ourselves and tell the truth of our feelings. A spiritual relationship is about loving big. It requires
vulnerability. This means I allow you into my deepest self. I allow you to see my soul, to experience my joy and my pain. It means I love you with my whole being, with no secrets and with full expression and exposure of who I am. I allow you into the truth of me. It may not be easy to give or to receive this way especially for someone who didn’t feel cherished or loved as a child but it can be transformed through willingness and practice.
Spiritual relationships are not for the faint of heart but they are for the seeking heart. Are you seeking? What are you seeking? Will you find it in the material world? Is your heart aching for connection and fulfillment? The practice of spiritually conscious love is a way to find connection with your Self and with the Divine and that will, in turn, bring fulfillment to your soul and a deep richness to your relationship.
psychology, spiritual principles and an energy based perspective in her work with clients. She welcomes anyone ready to work on personal or relationship issues. She can be reached at 201-967-9377 or visited at
www.reflectingtruth.com.
Marina Maurino, is a teacher/therapist who integrates
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