do·mes·tic vi·o·lence – noun, vio- lent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or part- ner.


Domestic violence can hap-


pen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. It affects peo- ple of all socioeconomic back- grounds and education levels. A batterer's pattern of abusive acts is directed at gaining and maintaining control over the victim. Perpetrators of domestic vio-


lence come from all walks of life and have the capacity to be very charming, move quickly into re- lationships and have a need for power and control.


Methods of power and control include:  Isolation  Verbal abuse and threats  Destruction of property  Physical battering  Sexual abuse and coercion  Stalking  Financial control


Leaving is not easy and in-


volves many internal and exter- nal factors. It can be hard to understand


why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. From the outside looking in, it may seem easier to leave than it actually is, but it can be very difficult to leave an abusive partner.


change.


 She might think that if the abuser stops drinking, the abuse will stop.


 She feels she should stay ‘for the sake of the chil- dren’, and that it is best that children live with both par- ents.


Why Doesn’t She Just Leave?


*Every 20.9 seconds, somewhere in America a woman is battered


Reasons why it may be so hard


to leave:  She is afraid of what the abuser will do if she leaves.


 The person who is abusive may have threatened to harm her, her relatives, or the children, pets or prop- erty.


 They may threaten to com- mit suicide if she talks about leaving. Many victims find that the abuse continues or gets worse after they leave.


 She still loves her partner, because he or she is not abusive all of the time.


 She has a commitment to the relationship or a belief that marriage is forever, for ‘better or worse’.


 She hopes her partner will change.


 Sometimes the abusive per- son might promise to


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 Her partner may have threatened to take or harm the children.


 A lack of confidence. The person who is abusive will have deliberately tried to break down their partner’s confidence, and make her feel like she is stupid, hope- less, and responsible for the abuse.


 She may feel powerless and unable to make decisions.


 Isolation and loneliness. The person who is abusive may have tried to cut her off from contact with family or friends. She might be afraid of coping on her own.


 She doesn’t have the means to survive if the relationship ends.


 She might not have any- where to live, or access to money, or transport, par- ticularly if she lives in an isolated area.


 She may be dependent upon her partner’s income. If she


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