MajorBloodnok, Agony Aunt @MajorMcBloodnok
included “Tory! Tory! Tory!” about an unprovoked atack on the welfare state (not to be confused with the Israeli film “Torah! Torah! Torah!’ concerning an unprovoked atack on the Palestinians) and the big budget “Avatory”, a fantastic tale about a highly conservative race of blue aliens fighting to maintain their esoteric networking traditions and privileges against the onslaught of the technologically advanced ‘cybernats.’
Finally, in an atempt to smear the opposition the Tories released “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the SNP* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)”, but this was literally a flop.
Dear MajorBloodnok,
Based on the non-revelation that all political parties spent exorbitant amounts of money on winning the recent General Election, can you advise what they actually spent their money on?
Barry_Normal
Dear Barry_Normal A significant marketing effort, hitherto unremarked upon and indeed unnoticed by anyone except me, concerned the excessive sums put into the ailing British movie industry, particularly aimed at producing remakes of well known films altered to suit a particular political agenda.
The Tories were the most prolific, releasing such straight-to-YouTube films as “The Wizard of Osborne”, “Nightmare on Downing Street”, “Seven Bribes for Seven Brothers” and “Teenage Mutant Ninja Tories”.
Rather more successful films
“In an attempt to smear the opposition the Tories released ‘Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the SNP (But Were Afraid to Ask), but this was literally a flop.”
Not to be outdone the Labour party responded in kind, releasing “Thoroughly Modern Miliband”, about a naive flapper (played by Eddie Izzard) determined to win the heart and money of the nearest wealthy benefactor. Unfortunately, plans to produce a reimagining of “2001: A Space Odyssey” were shelved when all available capital was blown on the mysterious stone slab, the remaining funds subsequently being diverted into the low budget leadership horror film “The Which Blair Project”.
The Major.
Dear MajorBloodnok, I am very keen on DIY and I was wondering what the best adhesive product on the market is at the moment.
The_Sniffer Dear The_Sniffer
There are numerous glues available currently, but the most effective is the Jim Murphy brand. The *almost* complete inability of anyone to release his tenacious grasp on the Scotish branch of the Labour Party (even with a liberal application of Len McClusky) clearly makes him the most unrelentingly adhesive product currently on the market.
The Major. Personal Astrologer to the Great , the Good... and Jim Murphy and/or his successor
There are those that scoff at the ancient mysteries surrounding the divination of the future from a close reading of the stars, but taking into account that prior to the General Election it was thought that there would be a hung
94 June 2015
parliament at Westminster, that Labour would not lose one seat in Scotland (prediction courtesy Mr Murphy) and that the Tories would brick up the door of 10 Downing Street and not let anyone in, whatever the outcome, it seems that astrology may well have been a more reliable indicator of the General Election outcomes than mere polling based predictions.
However, the stars are full of
surprises and therefore it is with great certainty that I predict, with Mars in the ascendency (with 17 votes to 14 at the latest National Executive meeting), that with the momentum provided by its recent successes, Scotish Labour will entirely turn its fortunes around and sweep to a stunning victory in the Scotish general election.*
*(Note, not necessarily the one in 2016.)
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