The Supercaledoniflushoutexpelmagritocious Election S
by Paul Kavanagh
COTLAND has just had a Chinese takeaway General
Election. It was sweet and sour. Although it tasted really good at the time, ultimately it has leſt us dissatisfied and wanting more. Scotland evicted all three of the Unionist parties, leaving each with token representation, but we’re still faced with the toxic horror of a Tory government that will produce more nausea and disgust than an outbreak of food poisoning.
We’ve got just one representative left from each of the Unionist par- ties, but they will still get to domi- nate Scottish questions time in the House of Commons on the basis of their support in the rest of the UK.
The Tory Scottish Secretary of State will face more questions from his Labour shadow than from the 56 SNP MPs combined. The rules of the House state that the official op- position gets six questions, while the third party will only get one stale
Tis is what Scotland voted for when it voted No. It voted to be side-lined and ignored, to have its deåcratic representation diluted and dissolved.
28 June 2015
prawn cracker. The official opposition is Ian Murray all by him- self. So the parties which lost the election in Scotland will continue to dominate Scottish pro- ceedings in the House of Commons and will con- tinue to use it as a forum to beat up on the SNP instead of further- ing the interests of Scotland. That fact all by itself shows
how broken the UK has become. This is what Scotland voted for when it voted Labour out. It voted to be side- lined and ignored, to have its democratic representation diluted and dissolved. Scotland gets the stale crumbs from the takeaway table of democracy.
The scale of Labour’s defeat was greater than anyone expected, a takeaway menu of political take downs. All the big names, and the wee names, were carried out of Scottish public life. You scarcely had time to gloat over one dinosaur’s defeat when another asteroid struck. It was gloatastic, schadenfreudelicious, and supercale- doniflushoutexpelmagritocious.
All the dinosaurs became extinct.
Murphy, the chief Stegosaurus (it’s a 30ft. lizard with the brain the size of a ping pong ball), continued to walk about a bit until somebody told him he was dead. Now he’s in a darkened room somewhere feverishly writing out his last will and testament on the future of Scottish
Labour which the party will promptly file under F for Forget.
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