mothers
Are you a 'helicopter mum'? in the second of our 'what type of parent are you?' we look at whether you're smothering rather than mothering...
Tehelicopter mum B
elieve it or not, the term 'helicopter parent' was first used in the 1960s when Dr Haim Ginott used it in his book
'Parents & Teenagers'. Dr Ginott used it at that time to describe parents who would 'hover over' their children like a helicopter and the term has stuck since then, although it has been varied to include terms such as 'lawnmower parenting', 'cosseting parenting' or 'bulldoze parenting'. Te signs of a helicopter mum are
usually obvious from an early age. In toddlerhood, for example, a helicopter mum might constantly shadow a child, always playing with and directing his behaviour, not allowing him even a moment alone. Tere are various reasons for helicopter parenting. Common triggers include:
Fear of consequences:Many helicopter mums worry about nightmare scenarios such as unhappiness, not excelling, no guaranteed results. Ironically, these aren't life-threatening scenarios, they just feel that way to the mum, and lead her to involvement to ensure these scenarios don't appear.
Feelings of anxiety:A mum's own concerns about world events: the economy, the job market and the world in general can lead to a parent taking more control over their child's life in a bid to protect them.
Peer pressure from other parents: Ironically, watching other parents who 'over parent' or are 'over involved' can trigger a similar response. It's really all about guilt.
58MODERNMUM Spring 2016
Undeveloped life skills: Parents who always tie their kids' shoes, clear their plates and pack their lunches even aſter their children are more than capable of completing the task themselves, prevent their kids from mastering these skills themselves.
Are YOU a helicopter mum? Do you...
1. Only let your child play on a playground that has a specially soſtened surface?
2. Fight your child's battles with another child by contacting the child's mum in person?
3. Insist that your child keeps their stabilisers on their bike even when they're more than proficient to ride their bike without them?
4. Have palpitations at the thought of your child going on a school field trip?
5. Spray hand sanitiser on every door knob and toy that your child has touched/is touching or will be touching?
If you answered 'yes' to most of these questions, then you need to deal with your anxieties now, before your child starts to feel the effects of your 'overcontrolling'. It's not a matter of leaving your child unsafe or unprotected, it's a matter of making sure that your child doesn't grow up so cossetted that he will be at risk of being exploited by more 'streetwise' individuals, or that he will simply rebel when he is older against your overbearing behaviour. Yes, you want to look aſter - and out for - your child, but you can't monitor his every waking
moment and you have to give him time to grow and develop and - dare we say it - make his own mistakes! So, how can you avoid being a
helicopter parent? Well, first of all, you could try turning
everything into a lesson. For example, if your child has a school project to do, talk him through about how he will tackle the project and make out a timetable for what he needs to do and when. If your child is falling behind in a
particular subject, instead of doing the work for him, ask the teacher how you can help him to catch up by working with him at home. Remember that it's not always necessary
to run to your child's rescue! Unless he is in an emergency situation, give him some time to work out how he can solve a problem. You never know, he may surprise you! If your child encounters a problem, tell
him that you're busy and give him some time to work it out himself ! Tis won't just stir his creativity, it will encourage him to be independent. Even if your child makes a mistake or
falls short of success, step back and show him what he did correctly. Ten identify where he went wrong so that he can succeed in the future. Remember that, even though as a
'helicopter mum' you may have good intentions and that engaged parenting has many benefits for a child, such as building self confidence and providing opportunities to grow, failure and challenges also teach kids new skills, so it's vitally important to allow them to go through these experiences.„
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