fruit fly by angelica osborne Well, lots... Even if they should happen to fall in
love, what if they break up? Loyalties and boundar- ies are challenged and at your next birthday party you can only invite one, with the other undoubtedly getting their feelings hurt. This is risky stuff! But, one always wants to try anyway, now doesn’t one? Especially for my girlfriend and I, who are the old married ladies in the group. I’ve been married 23 years and the “match game” is the closest involvement either of us get to the excitement of the dating game! So, we decided to make a group dinner for that Friday night and each bring our “guy.” We wouldn’t treat it as a blind date, at least not openly. My friend Matt was a little hesitant, but I kept saying, “It’s just dinner.” (Cue uber-romantic Celine Dion background music...) We all get to the restaurant and keep introductions
“MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER...”
“I’m never setting anyone up on a date again!”
said my girlfriend Casey, as she poured us a couple of our favorite mid-morning mimosas. She had just set up one of our dear friends Jay,
with another good friend, Trevon and the meeting very quickly went south. As often happens, while one was swooning, the other basically kept inching further and further away from the deep-tissue massage being enthusiastically offered. It’s so hard, to find two people who are not only
single at the same time, but also emotionally available for a relationship, attracted to one another and living within a 15-mile radius. The odds against it working, are at best, mathematically daunting. “Oh well you can’t force fate,” I say. To which she curtly replied, “Yeah, well, lesson learned, I’m done trying. It just makes no sense though. He is so cute, so fun and just an all-around amazing guy. Why is he single?” I took a sip. “That sounds like my friend, Matt, he
is so handsome and so kind, but had a bad break up a few years ago and hasn’t been in a relationship in a while. I even took him to Gay Pride last year. We were on a street with at least 40,000 other dongs and he hardly noticed a soul. Probably because they all want to just party and he’s past that point in life.” Casey said,”Yeah, same for mine...” There was a pregnant pause...”Oh my God, we should totally
46 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2016
hook them up!” We both squealed and jumped up and down. “Just because it never worked before doesn’t mean it won’t this time!” We started doing some fast numbers, comparing
each of our awesome, single gays: “How old is he? Do you have a picture? Where does he live? How many miles is that from L.A.? Does he like dogs? He has a dog? Oh good, is it good with other dogs?” We raised our glasses, clinked them together and screamed, “Cheers!” Everything lined up. This could be the one! We might be changing the course of their lives! OMG, a gay wedding!!! Who should the other groom “maids” be? I’m not going to lie, we actually sang, “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find, catch me a catch...” directly from Fiddler on the Roof! Lol Okay, so we got a little ahead of ourselves. Dangerous I know, to let our expectations get that high. So, I tried to bring us back down to earth by saying, “Well, even if it doesn’t work out, if nothing else, they could just be friends.” To which Casey said, “Oh yeah, it doesn’t have to be forever… But... What if it is?” (More squealing and clinking...) It’s hard not to get carried away, to not want to see someone that you love, be loved. And, what better way to make that happen, then to introduce them to someone you love’s, someone they love? Just a whole big lovefest! I mean, what could go wrong ?
very casual, so there’s no pressure. Ha! Within the first 10 minutes, I noticed they had each ordered the same cocktail, fixed the same way; they each had family in the same business and were both showing off pics of their beloved dogs! Let’s just say there was a lot of kicking under the table going on! Casey and I ran off to the girls room to do another
round of high-fives and more requisite squealing... I’m pretty sure we decided then and there that we were the greatest matchmakers in the whole world and needed to open our own business! Let’s fast-forward a few months: Our boys are
dating and might I even
say...Yes, they have found love. Lord, I’m tearing up as I type this! I like to think the planets were aligned that day and used my girl Casey and I to help two soulmates reconnect on the physical plane. So really, we can’t take all the credit. But we did it, we actually did change the course in someone’s life. Who knows if we’ll ever have such luck again? Sadly, I wish I could do the same for my girlfriends, but I never seem to meet enough quality straight men at this age in our lives. I know that sounds mean, but this has just been my experience. All the best men I know right now; are either married or gay! I guess the moral of the story is to never give
up; there is someone out there for everyone. So, when your girlfriend mentions her awesome single friend, go ahead and mention your awesome single friend! It rarely works out, but what if it does? Who knows what life has in store for us all? I love a good surprise, don’t you?
I love, love (sigh)... It’s like, my favorite.
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