spotlight: top 10 qualities of successful couples
9. THEY POSSESS THE FOLLOWING IN THEIR PARTNERSHIP: TRUST, COMMITMENT, HONESTY, OPENNESS, FLEXIBILITY, LOYALTY, DEDICATION AND DEVOTION, QUALITY TIME, SENSITIVITY, NON-JUDGMENTAL ATTITUDES, ARE LOVING AND ARE UN- AFRAID TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS AND PASSIONATE SIDES, ETC. These are obvious hallmark characteristics
that typify a healthy relationship, but gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition and issues surrounding intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their man-to-man relationships. Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes they’ve been engrained with.
10. THEY PLACE A HIGH PREMIUM ON THEIR LIVES TOGETHER AND ARE FOCUSED ON NOT TAKING EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED. Successful gay couples realize that the busyness
6. THEY ENJOY A SENSUAL AND SEXUAL CAMARADERIE THAT HELPS THEM TO MEET THEIR EROTIC POTENTIAL. The happiest couples tend to report enjoying nonsexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous touch, verbal strokes, holding hands, cuddling and massage. They also understand the importance of maintaining a passionate, sexual connection through regular pleasuring sessions and keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable. Even for those couples in “open relationships,” the sexual relationship with their partner remains an important component of intimacy for them and they find ways to meet each other’s needs, even when one isn’t necessarily in the mood.
7. THEY HAVE A SUPPORTIVE NETWORK OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO HONOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP Having the backing and encouragement of loved
ones can be a great impetus for reinforcing a gay couple’s commitment. Surrounding themselves with positive and affirming people can be a great boost.
38 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2016
8. THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THEIR SEXUALITY AND ARE NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT. Sexual identity struggles and internalized homophobia can really drag a relationship down unless both tend to be in the same boat with their levels of “outness.” Confident and successful couples are comfortable being in relationship with each other, no matter the setting or public domain. Whether it’s trying out a mattress at the local bedding store or attending a social function in a mixed-orientation crowd, these couples feel secure enough in their identities and relationship to combat any potential homophobia they may face by proudly being themselves. Being able to be free and uninhibited is a truly liberating feeling for a gay couple.
of life can very easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don’t let it! They ensure that they devote quality time together, schedule special “date nights” with each other and are attentive to each other’s needs. They make sure they are diligently working toward their shared relationship vision, validate their partner in the ways he likes it most and make sure to show through words and actions how much they appreciate their guy being in their lives.
CONCLUSION So how did you and your partner do? These are only some of
the qualities that comprise a healthy gay relationship and it’s up to you and your partner to define the parameters of what that would look and feel like for your unique relationship. Use these tips as a springboard to discuss how things are going in your relationship. Gauge your strengths and areas for growth and craft an action plan to make things even better.
The Gay Love Coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is a Certified Personal Life Coach who works with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership. To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for singles and couples, as well as to check out current groups, programs, and teleclasses, go
tothegaylovecoach.com.
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