1. THEY SHARE COMPATIBLE INTERESTS AND PHILOSOPHIES OF LIFE. It’s important that partners have similar interests and hobbies to share in common to build experiences together, but it’s also essential to have some differences as well, to complement each other. This helps to keep the mystery and intrigue alive in the relationship that exists with contrast. Who wants to have an exact replica of themselves they interact with on a daily basis? Boring! What is absolutely critical, however, is that both partners will have a smoother and more fulfilling relationship if they share comparable value systems. This forms the foundation of what the couple believes in and is the diving board from which they co-create a vision for their future together as a united front and alliance for life.
2. THEY OPENLY COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER AND STAY ENGAGED IN EACH OTHER’S LIVES. This involves direct and honest dialogue about the mundane aspects of life to the serious thoughts and feelings that get triggered as a part of relationship dynamics. The partners create a climate in their home where each feels safe and comfortable sharing vulnerable aspects of themselves with each other and are attuned to each other’s needs. Listening skills are primed and each feels like an active participant in the relationship. Issues are not swept under the rug and are dealt with immedi- ately in an assertive and caring way.
3. THEY MANAGE CONFLICT PRODUCTIVELY. Healthy gay couples recognize that conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a relationship, seeing these “rough spots” as opportunities for growth and positive change in their partnership. They deal with their anger in constructive ways, avoid hurtful comments and assigning of blame, and take the time to understand and validate each other’s points of views before initiating collaborative problem- solving to try and reach a win/win solution. They are open to compromise and sacrifice and always keep a teamwork stance in negotiating their differences.
4. THEY HAVE A BALANCED LIFESTYLE COMPRISED OF BOTH INDIVIDUAL AND COUPLE IDENTITIES. In relationships, it’s important to have time devoted to nourishing the relation-
ship and also to focus on individual interests and pursuits. Too much “couple identity” causes both partners to feel suffocated. Too much “individual identity” creates a feeling of being disconnected and living as roommates. Striking a posi- tive balance of both brings in just enough freshness and vitality to the relationship where boundaries are strong and healthy. Each partner feels supported by the other for striving for their own personal growth and goals without feeling threatened because the relationship vision is also being attended to simultaneously.
5. THEY HAVE FUN WITH LIFE AND TRY NOT TO TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY. Life can be stressful, so why add to the tension with a hardened demeanor? Successful couples are those that are playful with each other, enjoy a humorous banter between them and feel energized by such things as tickling, cracking jokes, pulling pranks on each other and being perverted with each other. All things are done in a loving way and this approach to their interactivity creates an atmosphere of laughter and celebration for being in each other’s lives.
FEBRUARY 2016 | RAGE monthly 37
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