LEOJul 23 - Aug 22 Imagine the TV is blaring away in one room, the radio is turned up high in another and next-door, a dog barks. How do you calm the hubbub, oh Leo? Would you roar into action or whimper and take it lion down? Be a Leo do-er, not a Leo sayer, or you’ll be feline like a
pussy.Lucky Day: 17th February
PISCESFeb 19 - Mar 20 Te planets don't ever stop us from doing things. Sometimes they just get in the way a bit, like Uranus. Uranus is constantly distracting and, unfortunately, Uranus is rising this month. So whilst there are seven other celestial bodies, you may need to take care of Uranus first. Remember, dealing with the other planets may make your day, but handling Uranus will make your whole week. Lucky Day: 23rd February
ARIESMar 21 - Apr 19 Why do people queue up enthusiastically to ride rollercoasters? Some people want to prove their courage, some want to feel the fingers of fear’s clammy fist, and some people simply love to vomit. But oh, impulsive Aries, never forget that love is a rollercoaster also. Be sure to keep your arms and legs in the carriage around the 14th. Lucky Day: 2nd February
TAURUSApr 20 - May 20 What are the odds of you ever leading a life in which everything goes just the way you want? Slimmer than Nick Griffin’s stock portfolio, I’m afraid. Oh, lazy Taurus, you need to be the master of your own destiny. Tere’s a name for people who think that others are responsible for their own shortcomings. Yep, the BNP. Do you want to be like those piss-witted shit- spouts? No, I thought not. Nut up or shut up. Lucky Day: 22nd February
VIRGOAug 23 - Sep 22 Once we know how something works, it is no longer a mystery to us. Some will tell you that understanding is essential, but remember that just a little can ruin even the most spectacular magic trick. So, be careful how deeply you look at your life, oh over-analytical Virgo. Some illusions you shouldn’t question because, as my old mother used to say, you can’t un-fuck the pooch. Lucky Day: 9th February
AQUARIUS
GEMINIMay 21 - Jun 22 Is someone having a better time than you are? Of course they are. Look at me, for example; I’m en route to a rich widow who wants me to spread her tarot and examine her tea-leaves. Oh restless Gemini, the grass will always be greener on someone else’s side of the fence, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trimming your bush. Lucky Day: 4th February
Jan 20 - Feb 18 Half-remembered conversations are echoing round your mind. Well don’t worry, oh witty Aquarius, because it’s your birthday this month and you are the life and soul of the party. You can’t be expected to remember everyone you’ve spoken to, so relax. Let it all wash over you like a big wave of awesome. Go on – enjoy it! Let a little bit dribble into your mouth. Mmm. Awesome. Lucky day: 6th February
LIBRASep 23 - Oct 22 Many mystics insist that guardian angels are free spirits. Well, fuck those guys. Tis mystic OWNS his angel like a BOWASS, thus giving me the power to do what I do without fear of consequence. Imagine that, oh indecisive Libra. Feels good, doesn’t it? Own your angel! Pluck its harp and ruffle its feathers! Halo, Sailor! Romance is in the air this month, and that trumpet isn’t going to blow
itself.Lucky day: 27th February
SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21 Darkness is just the absence of light. Black is just the absence of white. Day will follow on from night, and every little thing is gonna be OK. Lucky Day: 15th February
SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21 You've got a keen interest in some topic or issue. Well, oh unemotional, independent Sagittarius, the burning issue we need to address is your lack of emotion, and today’s hot topic is your independence. If you don’t start
to feel something soon, your unemotionality will be your undoing, and if you carry on being so independent, there will be nobody around to save you. Lucky Day: 26th February
CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan20 If it's on its way out, let it go. Tere was another famous Capricorn who could’ve heeded that advice, wasn’t there. Praise him. He died holding onto something he
CANCERJun 21 - Jul 22 You may not realise it, but you have a big influence on a lot of people. Tis is good, oh caring Cancer, because you got the love. Spread some around and it will grow within people’s hearts. Unfortunately, you also got the clingy and the moody. You’ll reap what you sow. Be careful not to become the architect of your own demise. Lucky Day: 21st February
10 / February 2014/
outlineonline.co.uk
loved. Well, chronically compacted shit, really. Ah, loyal Elvis. Denser than clay, the coroner said… Lucky Day: 11th February
BY DR E. MANN
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