heavily pregnant, and packing some serious weight right now. I might also cry, and people will probably judge you, but you go right ahead, tell me that Easter is better.
C
Granted, it might be a time for mass consumerism and corporate domination, but it's also time for child-like excitement, maximum cosiness and extreme levels of whimsy. Bloody love a bit of whimsy, I do. Christmas makes below- freezing temperatures seem charming; brisk walks seem like a good idea; and for one time (a year) only, you have a legitimate excuse for eating seven days worth of food in about 3 hours.
I admit, I’ve shitted things up a bit this year by conceiving a baby in March - meaning there’s a strong possibility that I might have to squeeze it out during the Queen’s Speech - but I’m not letting that dampen my festive enthusiasm, oh no. Let's just hope it's not another Jesus, as I was kind of hoping he’d go into law or medicine or something and support me during my retirement.
Te big question is - what sort of recipe should I do for you at this time of mass gluttony? Everyone and their elf will be telling you how to cook an exquisite turkey right now. And, FYI, they are all big, fat liars, because turkey will taste like a poor man’s chicken whatever you do to it. It's only good for the leftovers. Perhaps a vegetarian alternative? After 8 stubborn years as a vegetarian during my youth, I am fully aware of just how depressing a Quorn roast is, but now that I’m back on the meat wagon I’m afraid I’m far too selfish to start fannying around with filo pastry and cranberries. A Christmas cake, maybe? Nah, you should have started that last February or something.
Christmas Pudding Truffles
What I settled on was these Christmas pudding truffles, as I feel the most useful recipe you can have up your sleeve at this festive time, is one which can save you from potentially embarrassing and disastrous situations. Like forgetting how many relatives you've got. Or that you're actually substantially overdrawn and can't afford a Furby for your cousin’s girlfriend’s uncle twice removed. Should you find yourself in one such scenario you can proudly present this thoughtful, humble gift. And then they’ll probably be so unimpressed that you’ll fall out and not have to deal with them next year. Problem solved. You’re welcome.
36 /December 2013/
outlineonline.co.uk
hristmas is the most wonderful time of the year. You can try and fight me on this, but bear in mind that I'm
I must admit that this didn't leap from the depths of my imagination. It's actually a Nigella recipe, which you might consider odd from someone with a blog called 'Sod Nigella’. But the truth is that I actually have nothing against the woman, and she had some cracking recipes back in the day, before her mainstay became combining three different chocolate bars together in a cheesecake. Sod Nigella is more an antidote to the sheen of cookery shows, which make you feel like your life isn’t worth living if you don’t have a larder, a Kitchen Aid and a pair of enormous knockers. When I cook, things go wrong and there is mess, and I feel absolutely no need to eat my dinners with a suggestion of hanky panky. Tis couldn’t be more true than on December 25th.
And on that note, I hope you all have a marvelous Christmas, dear Outliners. Whilst you’re opening your stockings, spare a thought for me and my poor lady-parts.
Morgan Pickard
INGREDIENTS
400g precooked Christmas pudding 200g dark chocolate 2 tbsp golden syrup
FOR THE DECORATION 100g white chocolate
Small amount of fondant icing Red and green food colouring
Makes about 20 truffles METHOD
In a heatproof bowl, melt the dark chocolate with the golden syrup, over a pan of simmering water. When fully melted, thoroughly mix with the Christmas pudding until smooth. Use your hands to form the mix into truffle-sized balls and put on a plate to chill in the fridge. Whilst they are chilling, make up some red and green icing.
Once the truffles are chilled, melt your white chocolate and spoon a small amount onto the top, to look like icing. With your fondant
icing make small pieces of holly and delicately place on top of the chocolate, before it sets.
Morgan writes her own, hilarious blog on the internet. You can visit it and do a laugh wee wee at
sodnigella.blogspot.co.uk
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