like, “Thanks for sharing. Your view is quite different from mine but I like knowing how you see things. “ And when I have given up the need to be right, he oftentimes has agreed with my values later on.
One last scenario I want to mention is when you see your teen down. It is so tempting to react and ask, “what’s wrong?” Assuming you have tried this in the past, I ask you, how did it work out? Did your teen open up and reveal all of her feelings? Or did she respond with something like, “NOTHING!”? If you’d like a new way to respond to your sad or dejected looking tween/teen, try this. Make a statement like, “Wow. You look pretty down. If you’d like to talk about anything, let me know.” And then, go about your own business. You may not get her to share right away but she is more likely to come to you in time. And when you do this regularly, you may have a child who feels truly safe in revealing herself to you.
So you see, there are some very simple skills you can adopt that will encourage more openness with your tween/teen. In summary, remember to: Listen -
without judging without advising with empathy
with a goal of simply understanding and see if things don’t begin to improve between you and your older child.
~ Happy Parenting! Amy Egan is Life/Parenting Coach. She teaches courses and workshops, loves speaking to groups on the topic of parenting and most of all, enjoys private coaching.
Do you have a
question for Amy about your Tweens or Teens? Click here to email Amy at
askamy@northtexaskids.com
Is there something you would like to see in our Special Needs section? Send us an email:
info@northtexaskids.com.
North Texas Kids • August 2011 •
www.NorthTexasKids.com 25
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