Redefining Relationships by Laura Castanza and Julia George
s scientifically and technologically progressive we are as a human race, the most important issue screaming for advancement is our current pattern of connecting and bonding with others. Statistically, 6 out of 10 marriages fail; others remain intact by supporting hidden agendas, and single people move in and out of relationships like a revolv- ing door. There must come a time when we seek to expand our mind and our self out of conventional models of relating. Although convention need not be rejected since it is culturally/ root based, the exploration of how we feel, and subsequent expansion of how we think, is of greater service to us when we challenge our current views and consider healthy alternatives as we attract or invite others into our emotional environment.
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Most often we think of a “relationship” in terms of ro- mance and finding a mate. But there are other relationships we have in a lifetime: relationships defined by situations and circumstances (family, work, acquaintances) and relationships more consciously cultivated (friends and lovers). It is part of our experience to have a variety of human connections and interactions in our life; however, we are prone to experience conflict between our situational relationships and those we choose. The reason is this: we usually separate our self in each relationship, acting out roles in an effort to keep us “safe” which will inhibit our natural and authentic self in the process. Since we seem to be attracted to relationships of romance
(searching for our missing half), let’s look at main components/ criteria in which we currently model, then explore alternative ways to enhance our experience. Culturally we are encouraged and often pressured to find someone to share our life with: a soul mate. The motiva- tion is usually a push from our family to get married and have children, or propelled socially/culturally by our peers because finding a mate is “what we do”. This is troublesome because we feel pressured at a subconscious level and therefore look, seek, and search desperately for a partner. Our feeling is we “need” a mate and as a result we’re going to make unconscious choices from our familial experiences and conditioning (how our parents/caregivers connected initially, the tone of their rela- tionship, the ideals we create about family or romance based on positive and negative experiences, social norms, etc.). All these factors come into play as we create yet another role/mask to become more attractive to our potential mate. As common romantic scenarios go, two people meet, are
physically attracted to each other (a lure for men and women alike); eyes lock, pheromones fly, smiles and gestures indicate attraction, and perhaps engaging conversation takes place. One to several dates later (maybe less) sexual intimacy seals the deal in what now qualifies as a romantic, love, and/or intimate relationship.
Interestingly enough, this is not the beginning of our
romance. The relationship began when we set our intention to meet someone for this purpose: love, romance, intimacy, sex. By the time we meet someone, we are already midway through
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