RUNNERS
Coach carvey
THE WINTER CAMPAIGN PART 3
When things don't go quite to plan… N
ow that it’s April and spring has sprung, some well meaning friends asked me if I had put on a little weight. Well, let’s just say that Old Man
Winter kicked my ass. In case you missed my last article, The Winter Campaign – why it must be waged, it was a highly inspirational and positive piece of naive crap! I wrote it before the worst winter in recorded history. Connecticut was blasted with an endless stream of frozen white carnage. New Englanders weren’t the only victims, the residents of 'Old England' were also hit hard, and even though spring may have helped eradicate the memory, I hope that my subsequent whining will be well received! First, the facts: January had a lot of snow this year. It
was the snowiest January on record. But that’s not enough. It was the snowiest month ever recorded. Our cars aren’t designed for this much snow. Our roofs
are not designed to support six feet of it. Our backs are not in shape to suddenly start shovelling snow all day long, and that is the main reason my winter running went deep south like the migrating birds. As the snow started to pile up, some highly
energetic and intelligent individuals took the time to shovel the accumulating snow off their roofs. I was not one of these people. Let it ride baby; what’s a little snow on the roof going to do? Read on and find out! I woke up one early January morning and would you
believe it? Two more feet of fresh snow! I walked outside with my shovel and thought, ‘I can’t do this.’ Then I realised I had to; there was no one else. My three young sons, strong and empowered by endless slices of pizza and sugar, had all grown up and left home. I then thought of my task as a marathon and a great workout. After two hours of shovelling I was done, and when I say I was done – I was done. To save my back from stress I chose to perform squats instead of bending over. Do you know what two hours of squats will do to your legs? They were butter and my arms were toast. Put some marmalade on me and I’m delicious! Day One – I did not, could not run that day. Remember that harmless snow on my roof? Well, it wasn't so harmless. Huge ice dams had formed on the
edge of my roof, and any water that did melt was trapped. That water had to go somewhere. How about Coach Carvey’s bedroom? I put a bucket to catch the water and tried to go back to sleep. I heard every drop – drip, drip, drip and drip. No sleep for me. Day Two – I did not run that day. The man on the news said that roofs were collapsing
from the weight of the snow. Gee, now I have to shovel the roof and possibly fall. I’m not afraid of dying; I only fear not being able to run again. Just then my lovely wife, Lorelie, said, “Don’t worry, honey. We have insurance!” Oh that’s comforting. When I die from eight tons of falling timbers, will you please have my tombstone read 'Well, at least he had insurance'? Moments later I was on my roof in a storm with the
goal of shovelling an amount of snow equivalent to a standard tennis court covered with two feet of the stuff. I did manage to complete the job but was rendered a
Do you know what two hours of squats will do to your legs? They were butter and my arms were toast
broken-down shadow of the man I use to be. Day Three – I did not run that day. My running partner, Peter, is an ex-skier and enjoys
cat-like balance. He is the last person in the known universe who would slip on ice. So, of course, he went down hard, twice. The second time Peter fell, he hurt his knee and arm, but on Day Four – we DID run (yay!). Now it’s February and the weather has improved
dramatically. Unfortunately, now my knee hurts. Maybe I have that dreaded malady – 'snow shovel knee'! Oh well, giving up is not an option, so I will carry on. If it were easy to run through the winter everyone would do it. With spring arriving once again, I am reminded how just one run can change everything. I put on my little running trunks and had a fun run in the sun. Hey, is that a tan line? Yeah baby!
Mysterious Coach Carvey lives in the USA and has never actually been seen by anyone. Investigate him further at:
www.carveyrunningtips.com
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