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An elderly gentleman in a Burnley supermarket tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they only sell whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager 'Some Pratt out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.' As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.' The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?' ‘Manchester, sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Manchester?' the manager asked. The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.' 'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Manchester.' 'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who did she play for?'
Should one find oneself in the company of a Scottish person during the period known as Hogmanay, one might be confused with some of their terminology, especially after several of their libations. These translations may be useful. •Gonnae no' dae that! - Don't do that. •Pure deed brulliant - Exceptionally good. •Yer bum's oot the windae - You're talking rubbish. •Am pure dunn en - I'm feeling very tired. •Ah umnae - I am not. •Ma heid's mince - My head's a bit mixed up. •Yer oot yer face! - You're very drunk. •Yer aff yer heid - You're off your head - a little bit daft.
9. Blackadder
13.
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