Attorneys, in particular, must have an excellent grasp of expressing themselves because mostly, that’s how they
make a living. And, since raises and promotions are built on whether your firm likes and trusts you, it probably be- hooves you to do well in this arena. Conversations give a human dimension to the employee/employer relationship, so the ability to carry on small talk becomes a hidden tool for success.
Some people like to brag that they are not good at small talk because they think that they really have a loftier place in the scheme of things. I think it’s because they just don’t know what to say. Furthermore, you are taught growing up that it is not a good thing to talk with strangers. You are told over and over and over again, “Don’t talk to strangers.” However, at some point, you need to realize you are not still in the first grade.
I used to feel very uncomfortable doing the small talk
thing until I realized that the other person was probably just as uncomfortable as I was. Early on in my career, I remember saying, “I don’t understand the point. Small talk is phony and boring.” But as my career progressed, I realized its role and importance.
“Of course, things can go terribly wrong.”
I discovered that small talk is made up of ten usually safe topics: news, weather, movies, books, sports, health, eco- nomics, art, government and in the legal field, the latest decision handed down by Judge SoandSo.
Conversation is how we strengthen the safety net of people who make up our personal and professional networks
of sources and resources. Small talk is how we exchange information, preferences, ideas and opinions on issues. It’s how we break the ice and get a sense of who people are, what they like and what they are like. It doesn’t always have to be about “small” subjects. I’ve often seen people getting to know each other by having chit-chat that leads to very important topics and connections.
Of course, things can go terribly wrong. Just the other day, I was chit-chatting with a doctor. Dr. Stippel or Streppel
or Strapple - something like that. Just “getting to know” you type thing. We were talking about knee surgery. (Well, that’s all the common ground I could find with this guy.) I thought everything was going just fine until Dr. Whatshis- name decided to lecture me about inert objects. “Do you know what the word means?” he says. Huh? Do I know what inert means? Was he talking to me? I was aghast. “Do you know what the word “rude” means?” I shot back. It was then I realized that the small talk portion of this program was about over.
Small talk is an art. Use it to appear well-rounded. It’s a good idea to show colleagues that you are aware of what’s
going on in the world, read the paper and see movies. The other day, my husband wanted to know why I would waste my time reading People magazine. “Because I want my life to be more than law, careers and training,” I said defen- sively. “OK, it’s true I don’t know who half the people are but sure as shootin’, I’ll be able to carry my own in case any of those people come up in a conversation.”
Refine your conversation skills to a point where you feel comfortable talking with anyone. You can make small talk
with your boss by mentioning whatever’s in the news lately. Or, you can ask your manager whether they have seen the latest 3D movie. Try to avoid political topics.
If you know your boss is a devout Republican, it won’t work well to tell a George W. Bush joke, no matter how
funny you think it is. You might want to ask your supervisor what she feels about a certain event but save that conversa- tion for when you aren’t sipping wine coolers all afternoon at the firm retreat. Can’t think of a question? Try a sincere compliment. However, I emphasize sincere. People sense if you don’t really mean it and that becomes career suicide through kissing unmentionable body parts.
If you arrive in someone’s office you don’t know, it’s ok to comment on some of the personal tchakis set about the
room. Use good common sense, however. Don’t make assumptions. For example, don’t look at a photo of this person together with a young woman and say, “That’s a great picture of you and your daughter.” It could turn out to be his trophy wife and the only small talk you’ll be having then is about beating feet to see how fast you can get to the door. 31
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68