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THE WEIRS TIMES, Thursday, July 22, 2010


Formerly


& Everywhere! RFD# to the gulf stream waters 3 to the New York Island by Lorrie Baird FERRARIS AND JOHN DEERE “Do you know what by Lorrie Baird So we’re driving down


the highway and having what one of us believes to be a conversat ion when Jim’s head whips around. A red convert- ible whizzes past and Jim sighs like a lovesick adolescent whose par- ents won’t let him date the debutante. “What’s up with that?” I naively inquire.


that was?” “The little red convert-


ible that could? The one with the power to snap your tongue off mid-sen- tence and forget you’re talking to me? The little red convertible that has apparently smitten you with one pass while your wife of 44 years is sitting right beside you feeling like chopped liver?” “But it was a Ferrari…a Ferrari Lorrie!”


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“Big deal.” “Don’t get to see those


every day.” “And your point is…?” “What I wouldn’t give


to have just one ride in a Ferrari.”


step on the evolutionary ladder to MACHINERY. Man has been head over heals in love with ma- chinery ever since. Ask a man what he re- members as his first toy;


My girlfriend visited me today and said with a somber face, “my husband is having an


affair…with his farm equipment. “What I wouldn’t give to


be able to turn your head like that. Then again, I don’t have four wheels and engine breath and a fiery red paint job.” “Your ‘engine’ is whin-


ing.” “And you’re stuck in


the wrong gear…I al- ways thought that peo- ple should come before machines.” And so it went; that


ancient dance between the male and female gen- ders that began as soon as the f irst caveman stuck a stick through a wheel and made a piece of equipment...the first


it’s probably a Tonka truck. A baby girl’s first word is usually “Mama,” baby boys say “brrrrroom , brrrrroom.” Little girls play with dolls. Boys get their first tool belt before they’re one. Can you see a pattern here? When our son Scott


was a toddler he was as eager to “help” me vacuum with his toy ma- chine as he was to “help” Daddy mow the lawn with his little toy mower. Why?...because either way he got to hold on to a piece of “machinery” that made noise. Men like “instruments”


too…but not nearly as much as machinery. You know, all that stuff with moving parts. We’re talk- ing just about any type of machinery - but usu- ally the bigger the better. Jim is enthralled with what I’ve dubbed “Tes- tosterone TV”…the guy shows that feature gi- ant pieces of equipment either building up, or tearing down, it makes no difference to Jim just as long as he sees them in action. If Jim spies a giant crane from the highway he has to pull off to see what it’s doing. He can’t seem to help himself. I blame it on the TV shows. My girlfriend visited


me today and said with a somber face, “my husband is having an af fair…with his farm equipment. Sometimes he spends hours tinker- ing with it and we don’t see him all night.” “Tell me about it,” I


said. “How can we even begin to compete with something that’s green and yellow all over and smells like crank oil?” “What does John Deere


have that we don’t?” we asked in unison, but neither one of us had an answer. It’s a mystery for the ages. You think I exagger-


ate? Jim has been in love


with riding lawnmow- ers all our married life yet we never had the need for one. First, we lived in a city apart- ment. When we l ived here in the Lakes Region Jim traveled a lot so we had a lawn service. As fulltime RVers our small campsites never came close to requiring a rid- ing lawn mower. Our house in Florida has a lawn crew that ride around on mowers while Jim looks on wistfully… but only if it’s a brand new one…old mowers hold absolutely no inter- est for him, even though they’re still considered “machinery.” And yet, Jim prefers classic cars over new…unless we’re talking Ferraris. And men think women


are complicated? I guess there are just some things we women will never be able to figure out about our men. Per- sonally, I think it’s a lot more fun that way.


jim-lorrie@earthlink.net


H e r From California... , T here...


e From the redwood forest...


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