Employee assessments
One of the hardest parts about being in a position of authority is having to write constructive assessments for your employees and colleagues. So, if you are struggling for the right terminology, here’s a few pointers that might be helpful:
“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
“If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.”
“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
“It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
Quote me happy!
“We were disappointed that we conceded a goal in our dressing room.” Stuart Pearce, after beating Aston Villa 3-1.
“Ballack is having a nightmare. They’ll be changing his name soon.” Chris Waddle on Radio 5
“You can’t get through the game without bookings, unless you don’t book anyone at all.” John Hollins on Sky Sports News
The return of the anorak?
HE’S back! And he’s added conundrums to his repertoire. Not content with using the odd inaccurate word, our Laurence has taken to picking letters out of the Scrabble bag of life and arranging them into Loznundrums!
“
As for mowing an emphasis has been placed on definition, bringing in or adding or changing mowing frequencies or introducing a change to the layout of rough, semi rough areas to tighten up golf play.
Wynn has managed to cagoule many local companies to help out in supplying products and services free of charge
The course has performed exceptionally well this year and is detriment to all the hard work my staff have done
Last year the pitches were flooded with up to 300 metres of water laying on the top of the pitches
Contempt staff will give 100% were as un-contempt staff will maybe give 75% to 80%
... a meeting place for drug dealers and other undesirable personnel
”
“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“This young man has delusions of adequacy.”
“When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
“When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell.”
“Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.”
“The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”
“Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”
“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
“He has a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
“He is a prime candidate for natural de-selection.”
“The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
Forward JANUARY
12th - VB Series ODI’s begins - Australia v England v New Zealand (
www.cricketworld.com)
21st to 25th - Harrogate Week (Education) (
www.harrogateweek.org.uk)
23rd to 25th - BTME exhibition, Harrogate International Centre (
www.harrogateweek.org.uk)
24th to 25th - The Hire Show, ExCel, London (
www.hireshow.co.uk)
FEBRUARY
3rd to March 17th - RBS 6 Nations Rugby (
www.rbs6nations.com)
22nd to 24th - GCSAA Golf Industry Show, Anaheim, California (
www.golfindustryshow.com)
25th - Carling Cup Final, Millennium Stadium, Cardiff (
www.millenniumstadium.com)
MARCH
11th to April 28th - ICC Cricket World Cup, West Indies (
www.cricketworldcup.com)
13th to 16th - Cheltenham Festival, Cheltenham Racecourse (
www.cheltenham.co.uk)
APRIL
2nd to 8th - US Masters Golf, Augusta, USA (
www.masters.org)
14th - The Grand National, Aintree Racecourse (
www.aintree.co.uk)
17th to 19th - External Works Exhibition, NEC Birmingham (
www.ewx2007.com)
To add your event to Forward Thinking please email details to
ellie@pitchcare.com and don’t forget that you can add it to Pitchcare’s online calendar yourself! Simply log on to
www.pitchcare.com, select ‘Calendar’ in the Home drop down button on the top banner and click on “Add event’ at the top of the page.
THINKING DATES FOR YOUR DIARY
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