A-LISTS it’s a girl thing
As much as I feel well-informed about the gay mar-
riage issue, I’m only just this month going to my first gay wedding. I know a lesbian couple who are finally tying the knot, and it’s been an interesting ride for them. My mom was a wedding planner, so I know what goes into pulling it all together. What I haven’t ever experienced is the craziness that can go on behind the scenes with family and friends. For them, this has not only been the path leading up to the first day of the rest of their lives together, it’s been a pivotal point of change for their relationship with family and friends as well. Both of these girls come from Christian backgrounds,
and one side of the family is cool but the other side, well…they kind of aren’t. It’s funny how some Christians freak out when it comes to their gay loved ones decid- ing to get married. I feel like when the gay in their lives is just dating, it’s cool because they can bide their time while negotiating with God about the situation with the eventual goal that the gay loved one will finally start dat- ing the opposite gender. I think it’s safe to assume that for the majority of us love reigns supreme and we’re still gay at the end of the day, and that’s exactly the case with my coupled friends. They stayed in love and decided to get married. In effect, the one bride’s family realized that the negotiations with God weren’t working fast enough, and so they started waging a passive aggressive battle, causing unnecessary stress for the both of them. For me, dealing with those types of Christians is easy—I’m not Christian, and that’s generally the end of the discussion. These girls are Christian though, so it’s been tough for them to deal with the family’s rejection of their love and commitment to each other. We were talking about all of it around their coffee table, appropriately strewn with classy wedding invitations, pretty center pieces for the reception tables and delicious goodies for the guests. It made me sad to see all of that while listening to them, knowing how hard they’d worked, and how they just want to have their family there on their big day. Friends have added their own drama to the mix too.
A friend of one bride had apparently thrown a fit about paying for her own bridesmaid dress, questioned why one of them wasn’t going to wear a tux and demanded to be completely catered to while she was in town for the wedding! Apparently this girl lives in a universe of her own in which she is the center, and has a hard time coming down to earth where things tend to be a lot more reasonable. Now, I’ve witnessed this sort of thing amongst fierce drag queens where that behavior is completely acceptable, but honey there can’t be a bridesMAIDzilla at a wedding! I think both of the brides had enough of this chick after weeks of going back and forth, and so needless to say I don’t believe she’ll be in attendance. I told them that this was probably a good thing in disguise, because as all of us 20-somethings get older and start becoming what I like to call “real adults” in our 30s, I think it’s time that we cut the crap and BS out of our lives and become full-fledged members of the Mary J Blige “No More Drama” club.
32
RAGE monthly | MAY 2010
by henrietta henry
CHRISTIAN.
LESBIAN.
GETTING MARRIED?
HMMM.
FEEDBACK?
itsagirlthing@ragemonthly.com or
blog@ragemonthly.com
“In effect, the one bride’s family realized that the negotiations with God weren’t working fast enough, and so they started waging a passive ag- gressive battle, causing unnecessary stress for the both of them.”
What’s really amazing about this whole thing is that
both of these girls have truly arrived for their big day. They planned things out how they wanted, didn’t let everyone else’s opinion wreak havoc on their ideas, and stayed true to themselves and each other, despite how easy it could have been for any (or all of it) to fall apart. They kept it real, and I think that’s the one thing anyone
getting married needs to do to make it last. We could all take some cues from that, right? Knowing all of the behind-the-scenes stuff that’s been happening makes it even more amazing for me to be there to witness them coming together. I just hope that one day I can have a wedding as cool as theirs. As long as I keep it real, I think I’ll have a really good chance.
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