FEBRUARY 2010 PAGE 49
KIDZoneKIDZone
Parenting: We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know
life experiences, learning styles, and Quality time and presence … caring ~ lovingly ~ asking what they were
so much more. The variables are end- enough to sit down one-on-one to trying to accomplish. Share back and
less. have the conversation …goes a long forth with the intention of learning
Children do not act out for no rea- way. When we engage our children about them and how they communi-
son at all. Humans are not wired that and learn about them as individuals, cate. They will feel heard ... so impor-
way. We are born with love, joy, hap- we create a relationship that is built tant.
piness, laughter and a desire for com- on trust, respect and communication. • Middle/High School years: It is
munity. There are so many questions This is a relationship that will stand much easier to continue this level of
that can be asked to figure out what is the test of time. communication if you have already
happening to cause a child to behave As far as what age we begin con- established it in the earlier years.
in a certain way. Some of those ques- necting with our children in this way However, if you have not, I suggest
tions are asked of the child, depend- … whatever age they are today, is starting where you are, being in your
ing on their age, and some are asked perfect. Here are some ideas: heart, and coming from the place of
of the parent. If we can awaken our • Infants: Respond to their cries. wanting to understand them (not to
intuition and connection with our chil- This is their only form of communica- interrogate or get them to see your
dren, many times we can steer clear tion. We need to hear them and re- way, but to learn about them). As you
of meltdowns and broken relation- spond. This builds trust. practice, you will get better and you
By Traci L. Gaffney ships. • Toddlers: This is a little tricky will know where to take the conversa-
It’s no secret that the world was Some things that you may want to sometimes. I suggest starting with tion. What’s important is that you are
once thought to be flat. And it was consider, for example, are if there are sitting on the floor and connecting in authentic and come from love. This
considered a fact that the world was events happening in your family that whatever way works for them. Many will build trust, even if it sometimes
flat … even though it was not true … are affecting your child’s environment, times toddlers just want our attention. doesn’t look like it.
until Columbus proved otherwise. mood, and behavior. Is there a new If we give them some form of qual- It’s never too early and it’s never
It’s the same thing with parent- baby in the home? Has there been a ity time consistently, we are building too late to begin building a healthy
ing. We simply don’t know what we recent move, change of schools, an trust. You’ll start to understand them and loving relationship with your chil-
don’t know. Parenting is a complex absent parent, or a death? Are there intuitively, and you’ll better know how dren. It’s okay to have fun doing it too!
job. What works for one child, may financial issues looming overhead? to be with them in various situations.
not necessarily work for another ... Children feel what’s happening in the • Elementary school age: This is
Traci Gaffney is an expert on parenting
even in the same family. What worked home, even if you think they don’t much easier. After they have recov-
and pregnancy. To sign up for her free
for you growing up, may not work for have a clue. The key is to communi- ered from an incident, sit down in a
parenting newsletter, go to www.aloving-
your children. There are different per- cate and reassure our children that peaceful setting (preferably on the
way.com. You can contact Traci directly
at tracigaffney@alovingway.com or 800-
sonalities, genders, ages, lifestyles, they are loved and they are safe. floor), and remind them of the event
647-1171.
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