REAL LIVES
Diary of an In-law
Last Supper
those warm jackets Abdullah’s For a second, I wonder how
Baba got for them?” I consider ‘my’ dinner party turned into
telling her the truth; my boys the collective. But I knew bet-
hate it when I ask them to ter than to think otherwise
Take for instance last you get them? Then I rang retrieve the jackets from the with such a lengthy list of
Thursday. After sprinting Abdullah’s mobile but he attic to hang by the door every people attached firmly to my
a mile in my new cashmere didn’t pick up. So then I called time she comes over. ‘Bomber marriage certificate.
sweater, I finally arrived to his office but they said he had jackets’ were around when Seven-thirty rolls on
pick up my boys from school. a late meeting. Then I rang I was 12. The boys are con- alarmingly quickly. The door
Huffing and puffing, I reached Samina’s mobile but she didn’t vinced they are black bin bags, bell rings a dozen times in
the front gates 15 minutes late pick up, so I rang the school lined with sheep’s wool. quick succession, making me
to find their enormously judg- and....” I consider interrupting “Anyway, I called to say want to rip out not only my
mental teacher waiting with and reminding her that she that Samina’s sister-in-law’s hair but the electrical wiring
them in the playground. It has in fact now found me, but nephew has arrived from of the entire house.
doesn’t help that this teacher then that would mean miss- Dubai this morning. He’s Once all 12 members of the
is also my husband’s cousin. ing out on the details of which a pilot. You know, the one family arrive and are seated, I
“I’m so sorry, Samina,” I say to members of the family tree who works for Emirates? realise Samina and her guest
her, “were you waiting long?” are on what mobile network. Handsome boy, he’s starting are still missing. After numer-
Then, turning to the chil- “I left my phone at home, his Masters. Well, I told him ous phone calls, texts and
dren, “Salam boys – forgive Mum. I was late picking up the he wasn’t to eat that awful voicemails I come to the con-
me! All the tube lines are sus- boys and...” hotel food, so I told Samina clusion that I am more like
pended,” I say hugging them “Late! Oh no, they must to bring him. And I was tell- my mother-in-law than I had
tight. “Mummy, did you have have frozen waiting outside ing your mum earlier that he previously thought! When I
a shower?” I grin uncomfort- in the cold. And they’re so and Sheila could make a nice hear the final doorbell, I rush
ably, knowing full well that skinny – you hardly feed them match, so I told her she should to the door, only to find my
Samina is not impressed with anything. Were they wearing bring Sheila over tonight.” husband and his three broth-
my lateness or my sweaty ers. “I bumped into them at
state. “You seem a little over-
“‘BomBer jackets’ were around
the petrol station,” he protests
whelmed,” she remarks. “Are
when I was 12. the Boys are
sheepishly.
you still okay for dinner?”
“Oh, of course!” I exclaim,
convInced they are Black BIn
“Salaam boys,” I say with a
smile, “Come in.” Soon, all 17
hoping she won’t detect hesi-
Bags, lIned wIth sheep’s wool.”
of us are sat around the table
tation in my high-pitched in the most eclectic assort-
response. “I’ll see you at 7.30.” ment of make-shift chairs
Once I finally have the I have ever seen in my life.
boys home and exert my last Samina will have a field day
ounce of patience in con- with this, I think. If I wasn’t
vincing them to abandon the already tardy and sweaty, now
PlayStation and take showers, I’ll be disorganised and col-
I arrive in the kitchen to find our-blind too!
my starters for the evening Over the racket, I hardly
completely ravaged. Suddenly, hear the doorbell. I open the
‘we’re not that hungry mum,’ door to find Samina and her
when asked if they’d like a guest holding a heap of dishes.
snack before dinner made “I’m sorry I’m late. I thought I
sense. As I frantically dive into should whip up some dishes
the freezer for samosas and considering the amount
search the cupboards for chut- of people Aunty decided
ney, the ringing telephone to invite!” She winks at me
descends on me like a plague. and with an affectionate
I answer the phone to hear nudge walks through to the
my irritated mother-in-law. kitchen, rolls up her sleeves
“Where were you? I’ve been and declares us ready to eat.
calling and calling. First I rang I realise then that I couldn’t
your mobile - is it on silent? I be more thankful for my
left you four voicemails - did extended family. l
IllustratIon GRISCHA HEYER
www.emel.com | emel magazine 93
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