Real lives
of how the ‘mercy to human-
After hardship
ity’ had behaved to his wives.
Considering the providence
of the events, I found the
comes ease
strength, for the first time,
to confront Adel. I physically
braced myself, expecting the
Surah 94, Verse 5
worst, but instead he said,
“Why don’t I take you out for
dinner?” The evening passed
Rawiah Hasan, 38, recalls the abuse she sustained from her husband.
so pleasantly, I considered it
a promising sign. When the
Looking back, she shares her story with Darah Rateb, of how she
waiter brought our bill and
gradually became the victim of physical and emotional spousal abuse
handed it to Adel, Adel handed
it to me. Surprised, I said, ‘But
and the steps she took to become who she is today.
you invited me out?”
His eyes filled with rage
tion. As the weeks passed, the routine of work, but while – the same rage he had every
Adel seemed content with his I saw myself working for the time he had beat me before,
unemployment, and spent my next 50 years, I couldn’t see restrained only this time
hard-earned cash frivolously. myself in this marriage for 50 because we were in public. At
When we were unable to days. I cried as I read the story that moment, my faith in God
pay our landlord six months of the Prophet Yusuf in prayer, overcame my fear of Adel– and
into our marriage, I wept on which always gave me faith in within a half hour, I had left
my prayer rug and prayed for God’s greater plan. Walking him at the restaurant, packed
guidance. With the motiva- home that day, I fortunately my bags from our apartment,
tion to approach Adel, I chose saw my mother. and turned my back on the
to bring up the topic over Once my secrets were out, life that had caused me such
his preferred dish. I wore his she took me to the Shaykh at immense strife.
favourite red polka-dot dress, our mosque who had known My mother’s undivided
and as I served a plate of fried us for 23 years. He started to attention as I went through
chicken fillets I said, “I know tell me about the Prophet’s the divorce helped me feel
you’ve had a difficult time ways: how the Prophet used to loved; I understood for the
At 31, my self-esteem had looking for work, but could feed his wives with his hands, first time why the Prophet
hit an all time low. Everyone you try harder as we barely how he would kiss his wives mentioned the mother as
around me had started a fam- made rent this month?” He if they even passed by him. the one most deserving to be
ily, while I would joke about remained silent as I went on: honoured. When my faith
my looming spinster-hood. It “And I think we should con-
“My prayers
wavered, I would pay a visit to
wasn’t difficult for me to be sider budgeting our expenses.
swooped away by any man What do you think?” He
for sabr were
that kind Shaykh who would
use examples from the lives
who thought of giving me a immediately rose from the no longer of the righteous to show me
second glance. Adel, 37, gave dining table, slapped me with
financially
not to allow my nafs (ego) to
me three glances. The Prophet all his might, and left. I sat
had said to look for some- shocked and trembling for 15
inclined, but
get the better of me. I will
never forget those lessons
one of high character and for minutes straight. a plea to help –they guide me for the rest of
someone religious: and at my Soon began the chapter of
Me tolerate
my life.
age, and through my rose-col- emotional abuse in tandem
oured glasses, Adel seemed to with the bludgeoning. Bad
the ogre i had
At 35, I was back on my feet,
but I did not return to who
have enough of both. We wed meals meant aggressive kicks; coMe to live I used to be. I was stronger,
within weeks, although I cer- post-coitus I was spat on for
with.”
with a greater sense of self and
tainly had reservations. not bearing a child; at night, courage of conviction. I met
I was working to support he would push me off of our Then he said something that a wonderful man that year,
myself while I continued to narrow bed while pulling the truly struck a cord, “If your got married and had a beauti-
pursue my degree while Adel duvet, mumbling about my husband is not compassionate ful son.
earned a paltry amount. Three weight. My prayers for sabr with you as a wife, how will When my life hit the bot-
months into our marriage, were no longer financially he treat your future children?” tom o f the ocean, I learnt that
Adel was fired, and I suddenly inclined, but a plea to help me I had prayed for guid- the only way to go from there
became the sole bread-earner. tolerate the ogre I had come to ance – and God had taken was up. There is always some-
I prayed that God would grant live with. me to my mother and a man thing I can learn in the midst
me sabr (patience) to deal Having graduated and who had dedicated himself of hardship – even if I don’t
with this financial tribula- found a stable job, I enjoyed to Him, recounting stories understand it at that time. l
www.emel.com | emel magazine 85
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