real lives
A
l
l Every marriage has its ups and down and ours was
qui
no different. I have always tried to look on the positive
AR
side of life and am grateful to Allah for giving me con-
Ask
siderate and kind companion.
R
l
e
y b
be
i
m
My marriage happened out of the blue.
n
k
Aunty
t
io I was born in Pakistan and after my
Ahmad
s
t
RA
degree, I moved to Kenya. I had always
All your marital questions
assumed that my parents would find
i
l
lu
someone suitable for me.
answered by emel’s in-house
Moving to the UK from Kenya was a daunting expe- Aunty. send in yours to
rience, but I was lucky to have friends from Kenya
aunty@emel.com
who had also moved to give me moral support. I guess
it worked out for the best, as it was my friends from Q I have recently got married that she does not overstretch her
Kenya who first mentioned Rifat and her family to and my spouse has suggested a husband, causing unnecessary
me. Her father came from a farming background, and joint bank account. Is it a good stress to him by overspending
she was born and brought up in Kenya. Since I learned idea to merge our savings? or making extravagant finan-
Swahili while I was there, I thought this would help A When you marry you are cial demands. A wife also has a
with the bonding process. taking a leap of faith in many right to her financial independ-
I travelled to Birmingham to meet the family. I was ways. This is going to be one of ence; what she earns or inherits
introduced to her parents, brothers and younger sister the most intimate relationships is hers. But this does not mean
but I was not introduced to her. Although this seems of your entire life. It can also that she cannot contribute to
strange to the youngsters of today, it was custom back be a very daunting experience. the financial well-being of the
then. My initial impression of the family was a posi- It is possible to fear that in a life the couple are building
tive one; they seemed nice and so I was keen to take the union with another you can lose together.
matter further. your own identity. A joint bank Islam is about balance, and
I asked my friend to find out what they thought account can be one expression in financial matters one should
of me and in the meantime I decided to write to my of this fear. neither be excessive in one’s
brother in Pakistan explaining what was happening. Like most things in life there spending nor miserly. The
He read the letter to my parents and I waited for are benefits and problems. A Prophet called upon the believ-
both responses before I decided how to progress with joint bank account can build ers to spend on their families
the matter. trust between one another; it and it should be a source of joy
A week later I got a phone call from Rifat’s father can also build tension. not tension.
inviting me to dinner at their house where I ended Money – although it should There is no right or wrong
up meeting even more relatives! At this point I still not be – is often a major source answer about a joint account.
hadn’t met Rifat but I knew she was the one for me and of arguments in a marriage. Many couples have only a joint
decided to tell our mutual friend. Her father approved Partners can have mismatched account; some couples maintain
of me and I was then given a photograph and she was financial expectations which two individual bank accounts;
given my picture. She seemed like a nice honest person can drive a wedge between and many couples combine hav-
and I liked her straight away. We spoke on the phone them. But being forewarned is ing a joint bank account with
every now and then, to get to know each other a bit. to be forearmed, and talking individual accounts. Find out
Despite some reservations from a few of Rifat’s fam- things through openly from what works for you by talking
ily members, we were married on the 14th November the beginning can pre-empt openly together, remember-
1976. It was a winter’s day but we enjoyed it and then such destructive rifts in your ing one’s rights as well as one’s
we jetted off to Paris on our honeymoon. Since none of relationship. duties. Have this conversa-
my family could attend our marriage, we had planned Within the Islamic frame- tion within the spirit of the
to go to Pakistan so that Rifat could be introduced to work, a wife has the right to be Prophetic message and with
my family and have our Walima. When we arrived at provided for. But every right an eye on the strong and lov-
the airport, my whole family was there to welcome us has a corresponding duty; and ing future you wish to build
and we were taken to my brother’s house and it was it is a wife’s duty to make sure together.
there I realised that instead of our Walima, we would
be attending my father’s funeral.
My marriage may not have had the best start but to — Boxed Gifts please! —
me it was perfect. Marriage is about compromise, trust
and respect. I feel Rifat has compromised a lot and at
The Prophet Muhammad said: `A
times I have taken her for granted.
believing man must not hate a believing
We have lived in three different countries, my
woman. If he dislikes one trait in her, he
career often dictating our next destination but she has
should find another trait in her with which
never complained. We have recently celebrated our
33rd wedding anniversary and I pray to Allah we have
to be pleased.’ (Sahih Muslim)
many more anniversaries together. l
www.emel.com | emel magazine 89
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