^ 18 | CUTHEROEADVERTISERSTIMES


vmw.clitheroeadvertls8r.co.uk Thursday,Octoberl,2015 Thiireday.0clobcr1.2015 w a-a ditheroeadvertiser.co.uk


they have teeth and breathe FEATU RE


By J u l i e M a g e e julie.magee@ipress.co.uk


Twitter: ©ClithAdvertiser A


Ribble Valley au­ thor is enjoying life in the spot­ light after the publication of his


book caused somewhat of a media furore. Anthony Blackie, of Pig­


gery Cottages, Great Mit- ton, has appeared on “Good Morning Britain”, “North West Tonight”, “Granada Re­ ports”, “The One Show” and many more TV programmes to discuss his new book “The Squashed Man Who Mar­ ried A Dragon” - with his wife Vicki being the “dragon” is he referring to. As reported in last week’s


Clitheroe Advertiser and Times, Anthony’s new book is a light-hearted guide to men on how to negotiate their way through married life. Described as a unique and true story of how “one man


has survived 50 long turbu­ lent years of marriage”, it contains more than 100 tips


and pieces of advice gleaned over decades of “being in the


wrong” with Vicki. A regular contribu­


tor to the Advertiser and Times’ The Valley with his features about buying a property and living part-time in Spain, Anthony was born in Black­ burn, but


moved to Wigan at the age of three where he subsequently met his wife Vicki (69), who is originally from Wigan. “Vicki is a very clever and


beautifiil girl, but she has this big fault,and I didn’t re­ alise this until after we were married," ” said Anthony,. “She can go from normal to abso­ lutely ballisr


tic in a number of seconds over absolutely nothing! 1 never come back home with lipstick on my face or come home drunk, but I tell you if I put my empty coffee cup by


- the side of the sink or leave a tissue in my shirt pocket or


' jeans, well, all hell can break


loose.” He added: “Every man can find his perfect woman, but it is only after you get married that you realise that


fire!” The 75-year-old retired


salesman’s book takes a tongue-in-cheek look at mar­


ital life and how it’s the eve­ ryday issues that can cause the most upset between man


and wife. • Anthony recalls in con­


trast how the couple have pulled together when some rather mqjor dramas have played out in their lives. One such example was


when a fire broke out follow-. ing an electrical fault on a kiln at their holiday home in


Spain. The fire was “Vicki’s


fault” of course, Anthony ex­ plained. “She had switched it on and then came to bed after me,” he said. A state of total panic en- sued which would test the


couple to their limits. “There was fire lapping at


our wooden bedroom door andwhenweopened it the oxygen made the flames flare up. There were 17 wooden beams on the ceiling and we had to fumble around in the pitch black, stark naked,. getting buckets of water from the kitchen to put the fire out: We were covered in black smut, we were totally hoarse and our eyes and nos­ es were streaming, but we saved the house,” he recalled. “There’s been a few inci­


dents like that during our marriage, but it’s always the little things that we dwell upon and cause the most agi­ tation and they’re the moti­ vation behind the book.” Married to the “dragon”


for 50 years now, Anthony met Vicki, who used to work for a fabric importer, when she was 16 and he was an “im­ mature” 23. - Anthony recalled: “I was


walking up the old arcade in Wigan and a girl 1 knew had a card shop there and when I stopped to talk to Barbara she said after a while ‘Doyou know Vicki Fearn’ and 1 said ‘No, should I?’ and she said ‘You are so like brother and sister, you are both so good


1 - Learn quickly which side of the sink is the wrong side to put your used coffee mug. 2 - Let her play nurse/doctor on your body. 3 - When asked if she looks good in a dress and you know it is wrong, say it doesn't do you


justice ratherthan say no. . 4- Let her throw out items of your clothing, no matter how


Anthony’s life-saving rollicking avoidance techniques: than you, which of course she :


precious they are to you. 5 - Don't question her when she does crazy things. 6 - Always answer her phone calls, even when you are in a meetingatwork. 7-Never criticise her cooking - and don't eat the last one of anything in the house. Only she is allowed to do that. * 8 - Let her think she is cleverer


is! 9-Say “yes". A lot! 10 - Give her control of theTV


remote. . 11 - Don't shout when she


crashes the car. 12 - Point out that the celeb­ rity beauty in the magazine, is “touched up"- photo enhanced, remade, artificial and not a


looking’. 1 asked her where I could meet this girl and she said that Vicld went for drinks at the White Crow on a Tuesday night.” Anthony subsequent­


ly went along to the pub and, as they say, the rest is history,with the couple tying theknotayearlateronJune 29th, 1963. “She was the most beauti­


ful woman I have ever seen,” he reminisced. The couple, who have


lived in the Ribble Val­ ley since the early 70s and bought an old farmhouse on top of Longridge Fell down sized to a house at the Pig­ gery Cottages near Great Mit- ton after deciding to buy a house in Spain. Proud parents of daugh­


ters Angela and Katie, the couple also have four grand­ children, of whom Anthony could not be more proud. In fact, Anthony has


dedicated one of the chap­ ters in his new book to his ■ granddaughter Lola, who he describes as “the best in the


world”. Anthony said: “I can al­


ways rely on Lola to say it as it is - if I look good in Lola’s eyes


I am 10 feet tall.” He added: “Here’s hoping


the book can knock JK Rowb ing off her number one spot.’ • “The Squashed Man


Who Married A Dragon” is published via ebooks, com. To order quote elS-


BN9781785894305 orgo to: www.troubador.co.uk/book_


info.asp?bookid=3666 & GET UP TO 1 %


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natural beauty like she is.' 13 - Buy flowers and presents only when not expected-never be predictable. 14-Be available “to be saved" often, from spiders, stuckzips, losing something orshoe laces knotted tight. 15 - Keep clean, groomed - never snotty, smelly or pimply. 16-Don'tfartinbed.


17- Be gallant, make a fuss of,


babies and small animals. 18 - Make romantic gestures


-bigger the better even impos­ sible ones.


19 - No, no, never leave marks in the toilet bowl.


20 - Show tenderness to all old, sick, very young and old people and dogs.


21 - Carry heavy shopping, even


if itkillsyou. 22 - Never say no! Appear to


agree-butthengentlyfindthe


faults in her arguments. 23 - Never (earn to iron or cook. 24- Develop an extra thick skin


- let insults and snide remarks run off like water on a duck's back; but let her find you sob­ bing at the insults later. 25- Make her laugh.


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