 You need to know your children and


understand that what they find stressful varies. What is stressful to one child may not be stressful to another. Children and teens who lack resilience become overwhelmed by certain experiences, are slower to return from setbacks and may dwell on problems. When you see these behaviors in your child, there are ways to help develop resilient behavior.


 One of the major ways you can teach resilience is to acknowledge that life is full of challenges and that there are many areas over which we have no control. Kids need to learn problem-solving skills and maintain a sense of perspective with the challenges they face. They need to look at the problem and plan a strategy to deal with this challenge and envision a suc- cessful solution. A good starting point is to ask, “Why is this situation challenging or stressful, and what skills do my kids need to achieve the outcome they want?” Children and teens can use a trial-and-error approach and role-play how different solutions may or may not work for a particular challenge. Kids need to realize they may not have


control over what happens but they have a choice in how they handle and respond to the challenge. They need to set reasonable plans and goals and take steps to solve the problem. When a child or teen faces uncertainty, and problem-solving skills are needed, you should not provide all the answers. You can facilitate the problem- solving steps to work through stressful situations. A follow-up chat about what hap- pened afterwards can also help reinforce the learning and remind your child that what started out as a stressful situation can


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still work out well. Model positive coping skills in stressful times so that your kids can observe and take cues from your behavior. Share with them the times when you felt overwhelmed because things did not go the way you had planned, and how you were flexible and adapted to a new situation. Always let your kids know that family


and friends are a very big support in life, not only when things are good but also when times are hard and stressful. It is very important to teach them when and how to ask for help, and that they don’t have to do everything themselves or have all the answers.


Resilience can come from an adult other than you who believes in the worth of your child. This adult may be a special family member, a coach or a teacher. All interactions make your child feel special, convey love and acceptance and provide strength. You should encourage such spe- cial bonds, as they help kids feel safe and appreciated, and give them the strength to deal with the many demands and chal- lenges they may encounter. You should also let your kids make mistakes. It may be painful to watch, but it helps them work on areas that need improvement and make better decisions next time. Children need to experience everyday failures and hardships and confront them when they occur, as this will prepare them for different types of chal- lenges in the future. You and your kids need to understand that mistakes are expected, that each mistake is a chance for growth and that pushing to meet unrealistic expectations may set them up for failure. Do not smooth the path for your kids, as they have to


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