of one of his tiny attackers be- fore succumbing, raising hopes that the film released as PIRA- NHA 3DD might retain a nomi- nal level of entertainment value throughout. But, as indicated by the less-than-subtle title, it soon becomes clear that T&A, gross- out gags and a level of spoofery only slightly shy of the full-on SCARY MOVIE approach will be the order of the day.
The mutant piranha that pre- viously terrorized Lake Victoria have gradually migrated to an- other Arizona lake overlooking the “Big Wet” water park, co- owned by young Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) and her sleazy step- father Chet (David Koechner). Chet has revamped the park with such “Adults Only” attractions as stripper lifeguards and condom machines (“Remember—Double D swims free!”), much to Maddy’s disgust, and is looking forward to the grand opening. But Maddy and her fellow park employees soon discover the impending
danger (Chet is about to illegally pump piranha-infested lake wa- ter into his public pools) and learn that they have less than twenty- four hours to take action. Along the way, they consult the discred- ited Dr. Goodman (Christopher Lloyd, rolling his eyes even more furiously as he reprises his role from Aja’s original), who warns the youngsters that the fish may be evolving even faster than he imagined.
The inconsistent tone and all- over-the-map performances sug- gest either deliberately strange direction or none at all on Gulager’s part. Most bizarre is the affectation of Katrina Bowden as Shelby, who constantly offers such robotized dialogue as “Let’s take off all of our clothes and go swimming.” Other characters know only too well that they’re in a comedy and mug shamelessly throughout. Most surprisingly (and very much to her credit), Panabaker herself manages to maintain her dignity and garner
a modicum of sympathy and re- spect from the viewer. In the meantime, Gulager includes plenty of poolside interludes jam- packed with nudity provided by extras (to distract from the fact that none of the principals par- ticipate) and manages to jam monster fish into every conceiv- able human orifice, with the en- tire production gambling on the success of a most unlikely sex- and-dismemberment centerpiece (which “works” well enough if you haven’t already seen TEETH, for example): the Cronenberg-in- spired “bathtub” sequence seen later turns out to be a dream. For what it’s worth, the plentiful mon- ster/gore effects (CGI and on-set Gary J. Tunnicliffe creations) are adequate to the task and main- tain continuity with the Aja film. Ving Rhames returns for a truly embarrassing cameo appar- ently inspired by Rose McGowan’s “Cherry Darling” character from GRINDHOUSE/PLANET TERROR (if you have to ask...), but that’s
Christopher Lloyd bites off more than he can chew, but not more than can chew him, in John Gulager’s PIRANHA 3DD.
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