LIVING WELL
to find self-foregiveness use
G.R.A.C.E.
“Love yourself-accept yourself-forgive yourself-and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~ Leo Buscaglia
“Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself - have the compassion to forgive others, and the courage to forgive yourself.” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher
" S
he was doing the best she could at the time.” “His drinking took over and he made some bad decisions.” We find ways to forgive others when they’ve harmed us. We want to ex-
tend the olive branch and repair the relationship. Unless it’s us that needs the forgiveness. For some reason, we tend to torture ourselves with regret and shame, holding ourselves accountable over and over, instead of giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt. So why do we tend to wallow in shame and guilt instead of
forgiving ourselves and moving on? Psychologist Fred Luskin, PhD, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, says
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“Forgive yourself first. Let go of past hurts and direct your spirit to goodness and hope by having gratitude.” ~ Janet Taylor Spence
“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow,
we never learn, and sure as heck we should never teach.” ~ Maya Angelou
this strange penance is one of the biggest obstacles to self-for- giveness. We get stuck in a pattern of beating up on ourselves as a form of penance for the hurt we caused. Unfortunately, this only causes more hurt. “If you keep beating yourself up, then the person who tries
to love you is going to get beat up, too,” Luskin explains. This self-criticism turns outward and affects everyone in your life. So, how do you break this cycle? How do you stop the hurt,
clean up the mess, and move forward? Use this G.R.A.C.E. method to discover self-forgiveness.
Get Out of Your Head “You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad
you've been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past. Forgive yourself, then MOVE ON!” ~ Wayne Dyer
“Articulate the specific wrong you committed and the harm
it caused,” says Luskin. “Tell a couple of trusted people about what you did to get support, care, and advice.” Telling your story out loud helps derail the mental loop you play in your head. “We commonly think we’re alone and unique in our suffering, but this only makes healing more difficult,” he adds. By sharing with a trusted friend you face what you did, admit your mistake, and get support to begin the healing process. Remain in the Now
“There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
As you ruminate over and over about your past actions you
drag past hurts into your present. You cause yourself to feel bad, your blood pressure to go up, and your stress level to spike over something that happened in the past. Stop these thoughts by focusing on the now. Bring yourself
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