table in positive or negative ways. Also, nodal events sometimes happen randomly—but they can also be planned. An intention- ally planned nodal event that is meant to address some lasting brokenness (stuckness) in a family, relationship or person (like Danny’s apprehension about his own birthday) is called a love bomb. Perhaps this holiday season you wonder what sort gift to give
those you love. Even if you are one of those few for whom “money is no object,” you may find yourself asking, “What do I get for the person who has everything?” How about giving a love bomb? A love bomb is unique—by definition the most extreme- ly personal gift you can give, unforgettable and even life-chang- ing in a positive ways. Love bombs can be given to one person, a couple or an entire family. Are they expensive? They need not be costly in a financial respect, but to plan, plant and detonate a love bomb does require that you invest thoughtfulness, under- standing and openness. Successful love bombs tend to “keep on giving,” in that they often result in long-term change, growth and joy that touches not just the recipient and the giver, but other loved ones who find themselves “in the blast zone” (Danny friends never forget that special party).
How Does It Work? The purpose of a love bomb is to dramatically confront
“stuckness” in a person, relationship or family in a way that shines clear light on the point of stuckness (the emotional logjam) and in doing so opens a clear path to move forward with growth and happiness. Families and family members get stuck in any number of ways. Stuckness can be defined as an inability to deal with unfinished emotional business. Unresolved grief, guilt, feelings of betrayal, unfulfilled dreams, broken hearts and a multitude of other issues can emotionally “clog up” our relationships and mire our personal well-being such that we lose the ability to feel joy, to grow and to share love. As described in the book Fix Your Family, planning, planting and detonating a love bomb requires three steps. In order to help illuminate these, another story of a successful love bomb will be offered—the example of Pete trying to help his father, Stuart, deal with the mysterious death of his brother, Frank. First, you gain a reasonably clear understanding of where
the stuckness originated. Pete had long wanted to have a closer relationship to his father. It dawned on him one day that Stuart had named Pete’s sister, Frankie, after his brother; yet in all his thirty-five years, Pete never heard his father mention his brother. Indeed, everything he knew about Frank, Pete had learned from his mom. The facts were sketchy: Frank, a WWII vet who had returned to farming, disappeared without a trace when Stuart was seventeen. There were rumors about what happened, but Frank never returned, his body was never found and the mystery was never solved. Pete grasped Frank’s importance for Stuart (he named his favorite child after him), though Stuart had never dealt with his disappearance. Second, you devise an event that intentionally shines a light
on this stuckness in ways that are not judgmental, hostile or predictive—you’re just illuminating the stuck place. Though his father was not at all a demonstrative or talkative, Pete knew the great depth of feeling Stuart had for his family and his upbringing. He decided to get his dad into the most nostalgic setting possible, lure him into reminiscing about his childhood and bring up the
DECEMBER 2017 9
Ends 12/31/17
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