subject of Frank. He told his dad that he was working on a fam- ily history and that he was going to do a “cemetery tour” and visit the several small rural graveyards where different generations of their ancestors were buried. Stuart immediately became inter- ested and volunteered to conduct Pete’s tour. The plan was set into motion. Third (the simplest and yet most difficult aspect), strive to remain emotionally connected to the recipients of the love bomb and completely follow through with your plan—don’t get scared or discouraged and quit until you’ve followed through com- pletely. Pete was driving as he and his father left the old family farm where Stuart had grown up. Stuart, joyfully stimulated by being in the setting of all his childhood memories, was in a rare, loquacious mood. He shared one childhood story after another and so responded immediately when Pete asked, “Dad, did Frank live there in the farmhouse with you?” From that point Pete guided the conversation entirely toward
Frank. Stuart gradually became more reflective and somber. He didn’t seem to notice that Pete had slowed the car to a crawl as they drove along the country road. Finally Pete asked his father about the events surrounding his brother’s disappearance. Tears in his eyes, Stuart described what had happened in poignant detail.
“But your family had never really spoken about this as a
whole?” Pete asked. “And you never had a memorial service of any kind? Oh, my! Look at the time. We’re almost late for supper with Aunt Mable.”
When they pulled up in front of Mabel’s house and Stuart got out of the car, he seemed to be renewed, as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart. His mood that evening was one of exhilaration. In the months that followed, Stuart and Pete had a number of intimate conversations. A new door of communica- tion had opened between them.
The Risk and the Reward In detonating a love bomb, one should not expect immedi-
ate, gratifying new awareness, closeness and blessing—those sort of instant awakenings only happen on TV. In fact there is always the possibility that a love bomb might be a dud and not work at all. It’s also possible that an initial reaction may be negative— after all, you’re dealing with the most sensitive truths and realiza- tions of those you love. The risk is worth it, however, because of the potential new openness that is possible. Love bombs are unpredictable gifts that keep on giving: once detonated, neither the giver nor receiver knows precisely what will happen; the unsticking process, however, is a sort of unraveling that often continues for years; and those who share emotional bonds with the giver and receiver are often also profoundly impacted. This holiday season, consider giving a love bomb. Planning it is a blast—and that’s just the beginning.
Dr. Mike Simpson, a “third generation” Family Systems practitio- ner, is the founder of Fix Your Family and a Family Wellness Coach who has used Family Systems to work with individuals and groups for the past 25 years. The author of the book Fix Your Family, he can be contacted through his website (
fixyourfamily.org), email (
1fixyourfamily@gmail.com) or phone (336 257-9276). See ad on page 33.
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