true to oneself but rather doing what was expected
2. Working too much, thereby missing children’s youth and their partner’s com- panionship
3. Not having the courage to express one’s feelings
4. Not staying in touch with friends
5. Taking life too seriously and allowing worries to diminish happiness
Ware goes a step further, however, in that she also delves into solutions for these regrets — ways for you to avoid falling into the same traps. The No. 1 regret is a valu- able reminder to not give up too many of your dreams to please others (or conform to conventional standards). “It is very im- portant to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way,” Ware says. “From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a free- dom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
Living Life on Your Own Terms Is Key to Dying Without (Too Many) Regrets
Virtually every man in Ware’s care listed No. 2: Missing out on family time because of excessive work. “All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence,” she writes, adding: “By simplifying your lifestyle and mak- ing conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.”
No. 4 is a closely related topic. Often- times we get so busy we forget to keep in touch with old friends, and over time the relationship fizzles out. Then, in old age, loneliness creeps in. It can be difficult to build a friendship at any age, but it cer- tainly does not get easier with advancing age, when poor health starts limiting your ability to get out and about to socialize. As noted by Ware, love and relationships are usually the only things of true, remaining importance when the end of life draws near.
As for No. 3, Ware notes that many “developed illnesses relating to the bitter-
ness and resentment they carried” as a result of holding their feelings in and opt- ing to keep quiet just to keep the peace. If you’re in this category, consider Ware’s commonsense advice: “We cannot control the reactions of
others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Ei- ther way, you win.”
Last but not least, at the end of life,
many finally realize that happiness is an inside job. It’s a choice, not a side effect of living any particular kind of life. “Deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” Ware writes, wisely noting that once you’re on your deathbed, you will not be worrying about what others think of you, so why not choose happiness now, while you still have a lot of life left?
The Importance of Relationships and Self-Care
Longevity research strongly supports
Ware’s overall findings. The same things that people report regretting are also the things centenarians “get right.” In inter- views and surveys with centenarians, in- cluding the ones interviewed in “How to Live to 100,” two of the most important factors contributing to longevity are having a strong social network of family and friends, and keeping a sense of humor. The importance of social support has
also been scientifically verified. An Amer- ican meta-analysis of published studies found strong social support is actually the No. 1 factor that determines longevity and survival. The influence of social support on mortality is so great, it surpasses the influ- ence of weight and even eclipses the influ- ence of smoking.
A 2012 article in Forbes Magazine
listed 25 top regrets reported by people. Here — in addition to all of the regrets already listed — one of the biggest regrets was not standing up to bullies, be it in school or at work. In hindsight, many feel they should have spoken out and taken a firm stand, even at the risk of losing their job.
Another regret that is bound to be
pertinent for a vast majority of people these days is allowing the smartphone to take up too much of our time and attention. Re-
DECEMBER 2017 29
Imagine your life without the burden of your past or the anxiety about your future...
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