BERNIE By Bernie Siegel, MD


Grow Old Along with Me The Best is Yet To Be


moment…how can you age if your concept of time is lost? I know from my experience as a physician that the healthiest state one can be in is the state in which you are doing something that makes you lose track of time. In the operating room I have no sense of time or self; I am in a trance. I believe that in the moments we let our in- nate creativity take over, our physiology gives the body a profound message. The sad part is too many people wait until they are told they have a limited amount of time left to live before they start living. I have letters from people who moved, taken off their ties, signed up for violin lessons and did all the things they wanted to do before they died. So they were not denying their mortality but simply enjoying their lifetime, and their letters often end with, “I didn’t die and now I am so busy I am killing myself. Help, where do I go from here?” I tell them to take a nap because they are burning up and not out.


M Here’s what I have learned from 90-year-olds. One I shall


never forget is a woman who, in her nineties developed breast can- cer and gallstones. She was quite upset with God for doing this to her at her age but accepted the surgery and moved on in her life. I asked her to join our cancer support group because I knew she had lessons to teach us about survival behavior. One day when every- one in the group was caught up in their fears and what problems the future held I turned to her for help and asked, “What are you afraid of?” After several minutes of silence she sat up and said, “Oh, I know! Driving on the parkway at night.” That resolved everyone’s issue as we went from fear to laughter.


I have also learned to not keep family problems from aging


parents. When I would call my 90-year-old mother to ask how she was, she would instead focus on the problems of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. She would focus on advis- ing and assisting them to overcome their problems, giving her a sense of meaning and making her feel healthy. So use the wisdom of the aged, do not hide your problems from them and let them guide you. I loved it when I asked my mother what advice she had for seniors that I was going to lecture to. She said, “Tell them to lie a lot.” I asked how that would help and she said, “If you tell people how you really feel they’ll put you in a nursing home. So lie about it.”


To survive we all need to have a sense of meaning in our lives, and express our emotions, including anger, when we are not treat- ed with respect. We need to make our own therapeutic choices,


42 Natural Nutmeg - October 2017 The description of one’s favorite animal is always related to


one’s feeling about one’s self. So an active meaningful descrip- tion also speaks about the same thing in that person’s life and self. When there is no animal, life or energy in their choice they are ready to move on to become dreamless, unalive and perfect again. Please remember that leaving our bodies is a therapeutic decision at some point because when we leave we do not take our affl ic- tions with us.


For many, Dr. Bernard Siegel-or Bernie, as he prefers to be- called-needs no introduction. He has touched many lives all over- the Planet. In 1978, he reached a national and then international audience when he began talking about patient empowerment and the choice to live fully and die in peace. As a physician who has cared for and counseled innumerable people whose mortality has been threatened by illness, Bernie embraces a philosophy of living and dying that stands at the forefront of the medical ethics and spiritual issues our Society grapples with today. Read Bernie’s regu- lar blog posts on his website where you will also fi nd his books, articles, and CDs: http://www.berniesiegelmd.com.


Bernie currently holds a cancer support group the second and fourth Tuesday evenings of the month 1:30-3:30PM at Coachman’s Square at 21 Bradley Road, Woodbridge. If interested contact Lucille Ranciato: lranciato2@yahoo.com 203 288 2839; or Bernie: bugsyssiegel@sbcglobal.net. You can fi nd Bernie’s books ad CDs at Wisdom of the Ages in Simsbury, Ct. See ad on page 31.


y advice for growing old is to do quite the opposite: grow young. Aging is not the end of the world, and actually comes with benefi ts. Just stop and think about this for a


ask for help when we need it, respond to our feelings when making choices, maintain an authentic life and say no to what we do not want to do. Essentially, we need to fi nd our way of expressing love while keeping a childlike sense of humor. I ask seniors how they can die laughing. The answers relate to having accomplished what we are all here to accomplish: serving the world in a unique way, rather than a way imposed by others. My father literally died laugh- ing as my mother told wonderful stories about their early relation- ship.


Let me close with two simple techniques for knowing what the aged are thinking without having to verbalize things they do not want to share. One is to ask, “How would you feel if placed in a totally white room?” and “What is your favorite animal and why?” When a senior is tired of living or physically exhausted, the white room is a spiritual sanctuary they are happy to be in because there is no stimulation and they can rest there. When there is still an ac- tive life force they will want to leave, redecorate or put in a picture window.


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